For $5M, Kim Kardashian is totally okay with you watching her sex tape. That’s impressive, Kim. I probably would have sold out somewhere around $500K. Then again, I’m kind of trashy. [Bossip]

Peter Andre has meningitis, but it looks like he’ll live. [popbytes]

Yup, they’re sending Prince Harry to the front lines in Iraq. [A Socialite’s Life]

Even Jessica Simpson’s ginormous breasts can’t save her from the fug of this dress. [Derek Hail]

Honestly, Britney, you must be joking. [Celebslam]

Heather Mills is getting $50 million from Sir Paul McCartney. What’s in it for you, you ask? Hopefully, no more Heather Mills. [Cele|bitchy]

Happy birthday, Kirsten Dunst! Try not to O.D.! [The Blemish]

Courtney Love is auctioning off most of Kurt Cobain’s belongings. [Holy Candy]

Cameron Diaz and Drew Barrymore hit Coachella hand-in-hand. I don’t understand Coachella. Every year, someone invites me to go, and every year it just looks so dirty. Why would I stand outside in the sun all day and put up with Port-O-Potties when I could just play a CD and smoke a bowl in the comfort of my living room? [Gabsmash]

Victoria Beckham sports the THO. [Drunken Stepfather]

Pete Wentz discusses the art of “guyliner.” [POTP]

Someone needs to have a sandwich. Seriously. Guess who these pin thin gams belong to?
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That’s what the NY Post is reporting.

Roseanne’s rep denies the rumor, and Roseanne herself has said in the past that she’s not interested in hosting The View.

Insiders have also tossed out names like Joan Rivers, Kathy Griffin, Connie Chung and Whoopi Goldberg as possible replacements.

Further complicating matters is the fact that Rosie’s nemesis, Elizabeth Hasselbeck, is pregnant and will be taking a leave of absence from the show as her due date approaches.

Keisha Castle-Hughes, the Oscar-nominated star of Whale Rider, made waves last year when she announced that she was pregnant at the age of 16, by her boyfriend of three years, who was 19 at the time. Castle-Hughes gave birth to Felicity-Amore in New Zealand on Wednesday. Both mother and baby are doing well.

Castle-Hughes talked recently about the controversy surrounding her young pregnancy in an interview with Television New Zealand. “I felt like I had to hide,” she said. “I felt like it was bad for me to be happy about it.”

The young actress also made quite a splash at age 13, when she was the youngest person ever nominated for the Best Actress Oscar for her role in 2002’s Whale Rider. Dakota Fanning, darling, you’re slacking. You need an Oscar nod and a boyfriend stat.

The 9th Annual Michael Douglas & Friends Celebrity Golf Event this weekend at Trump National Golf Club in Ranchos Palos Verdes brought out a veritable who’s-who of 1995. Douglas was there with his granddaughter wife Catherine Zeta-Jones, and they were accompanied by Heather Locklear, Sam Jackson, Cheryl Ladd (who?), Josh Duhamel, Mark Wahlberg, Kenny Fucking G, Alice Cooper and … drumroll please … Haley Joel Osment, whose managers clearly believe that if he plays golf with old people all day we will forget about that little DUI thing last summer. No dice, kids.

Natalie Portman showed up on ABC’s “This Week” to endorse extending microloans to women in the poorest countries.

“They’re able to get a loan and start their own business out of their own house and be with their children,” she said. “It changes the whole system. If a woman can’t tell her child, ‘I can feed you tomorrow, I can pay for your school,’ then where do they go? What do they do? What do they choose? It’s really trying to reach the poorest of the poor and offering banking services to them.”

Natalie has been working with FINCA International, an organization that provides small loans to people in developing countries.

Microloans are loans in very small amounts — in developing countries, often only a couple hundred dollars — which traditional banks won’t offer, both due to the small amount and the lack of credit history of the borrowers. FINCA, which lends primarily to women in 21 developing nations, has a loan repayment rate of 97%.

Sometimes I feel woe for celebrities. This is one of those times. Fresh off of Kirsten saying this to Jane Magazine (May issue):

“I don’t ever want to date another actor again. This quote is probably going to come back in my face, but I know someone who has a great saying: ‘There are no actors, there are only actresses,’ ” she continues. “Sometimes creative people can be very dark and destructive.”

So who does she date instead? Razorlight lead singer Johnny Borrell. Because musicians are NEVER screwed up. And they never have access to ladies after every show. Nope, compared to actors dating a musician is like heading to the monastery, it’s all celibacy and meditation.

Invariably, less than a week later, this happens: Hollywood.com has (the ex-girlfriend of Johnny Borell) Fabiola Gatti saying:

“I was recording some solo stuff so I was on my own in the studio when he popped in. When the air was cleared between us and I knew what the situation was, he just leaned in and kissed me. He told me he would break up with her (Dunst) to go back out with me. We’ve been on and off for years. We will always be soul mates. At the moment we know it won’t work but one day we will get back together.

What a catastrophe. If this is true, and generally Hollywood.com is on the money, I feel really bad for her. What a horrible way to find out. And you, John whoever, are an idiot. Anyone named Fabiola is destined to become a crazy person. This will end with her throwing a lamp or knife at your head while you’re sleeping because you didn’t get the nail polish color she specifically asked for.

But back to Kirsten, here’s my offer: Kirsten, if you’re into overweight and slightly dark and destructive writer types you should call me. We will spend your Spidey money and walk this world together. I’m loyal (like a puppy) and will make you breakfast everyday. I’m only an email away my dear.

Just some news for ya, Sarah Silverman will be hosting the MTV Movie Awards this year.

No one watches these anymore, because they aren’t live and the winners are announced in advanced. But perhaps this year I will tune in to one of the 42 repeats that will happen on that weekend.

Even better news, this article says these puppies are LIVE!

Silverman + Live = relevant.

It’s almost like MTV isn’t run by a soulless bunch of pansie suits anymore. Welcome back to the land of the living MTV, we’ve missed you this past decade.

Alyson Hannigan rocks the bikini. [Drunken Stepfather]

Check out video clips from Gwen Stefani performing in LA. [popbytes]

Tracey Morgan has to wear an alcohol-detecting ankle bracelet for 90 days as a result of his DUI. Now that’s outrageous and egregious! [Celebrity Smack]

Conan O’Brien cops a feel on Tyra Banks. [Ninja Dude]

Hooray hooray!!! Studio 60 is coming back!!! WATCH IT, MOTHERF***ERS. That was a close call. [SOW]

The best part of this is the knowledge that someone somewhere is getting his rocks off to these images of Paris Hilton’s corpse. [Allie Is Wired]

Why stop with the tits? Heidi Montag got a new nose, too. Next up will have to be a new back to carry your celebrity, Heidi, because Lauren Conrad’s is done with you. [IBBB]

Look, I want Britney Spears to get sober and sort her life out and regain some measure of sanity. But please, God, can it wait until she writes this tell-all? [The Blemish]

Is Angelina Jolie anorexic? [Cele|bitchy]

If so, she might want to take some tips from Kate Bosworth, who seems to be at a semi-healthy weight again. At least I can’t count her rib bones in this bikini. [Warship]

Awww … celebs as babies! [Celebslam]

Jonathan Lipnicki, in stark contrast with his career, has matured. [Agent Bedhead]

A review of Fantasia in The Color Purple. [DListed]

I mean, it was sort of cool back when the Black Eyed Peas wanted to get famous off of her but now it’s just getting redonk. This is not an attractive woman. At all. Let’s stop living a lie.

I know we’ve been following the “Mischa Barton + Keds = True Love” story pretty hard so here’s the latest breaking news.

In this picture I believe she is wearing normal (acceptable) footwear. I could be off the mark here, as I don’t really know the whole Keds line. If I’m wrong I’ll take a comment ding. But if I’m right I want it known that I nailed her first.

Put your Keds back on! And eat something.

Next up, Adam Brody, Elisha Cuthbert, and Amber Tamblyn. These guys all look hot in their own little way, no? Brody is rocking a full fledged adult male thing and somehow the slightly stoned vibe makes Elisha work for me. Plus I’m a sucker for redheads (Amber Tamblyn).

It should be noted that all these, again, are from the Coachella event. The fact checker (whom I’m on the phone with now) tells me that this event is in Indio, California and features music acts. There seems to be a charity angle as well. So all you guys near Indio (home of the Indio High Rajahs) hustle on down to see both music and Scarlett’s cow legs.

Posh lands at LAX. She’s reportedly here to begin decorating the $20MM mansion she and Becks bought in Beverly Hills. But, hey, they can afford it. With headlights like that, they’re going to save a ton on electricity.