I mean, in their defense, it is early March.

Cisco and Mischa reportedly had their first split of 2007 in early February, when ParisExposed.com spilled the beans (ha ha ha) on Cisco’s gigantic sack [NSFW and remarkably disturbing]. Mischa was furious over the pictures, but the two quickly reconciled.

But that was a month ago. It’s totally time for them to break up again. Mischa’s rep released the following statement: “Mischa and Cisco have decided to part ways. Mischa is moving east soon and they both have very demanding schedules.” First off: yay! We won’t miss ya around L.A., Mischa-baby. But the National Enquirer tells a different story.

According to their source, “Cisco broke up with her. She’s just too much of a partier. He tried to get her to tone it down and even talked to her friends about reining her in. But nothing worked – even after her sister went into rehab.”

I mean, this is the same Mischa who opted to smoke weed in the drivers seat of her car in a parking lot, in broad daylight, just days after her kid sister checked into a rehab. That’s totally healthy. I’d want to date someone like that.

While Mischa is currently in Paris at Fashion Week, Cisco has been partying around Los Angeles with Lindsay Lohan, who has always kinda hated Mischa. I love it.

[source]

Pleasing. That’s the only way to describe this.

Starbucks is handing out coffee for nothing after years of overcharging for highly addictive substances. I adore Starbucks. They give health insurance to employees and their coffee packs more caffeine per punch. Those two things are pleasing too. The free coffee dealie goes down March 15th from 10am to noon.

Now for the bad news. Every huckster and scrub within 1000 miles will descend upon my sanctuary which will make the lines long. This will cause me to buy a pastry, as a coping mechanism, which will defeat the purpose of the whole exercise.

Starbucks, you are a most worthy adversary.

The newest Vanity Fair has James Gandolfini and a naked faceless chick on the cover. This is apt because when I think of the mafia I also think of leggy nudes on laps. Also, The Sopranos is ending soon for you zillionaires who get HBO.

P.S. – I’m glad she got to leave her heels on, it adds a certain element of class.

Evil Beet, and those of our ilk, continue to ravage the glossy magazine world with our insightful and timely banter. Another one fell to our sword today as word was announced that Premiere Magazine would no longer be a “magazine,” instead they are going to work towards becoming an “internet brand.”

The bad news is they aren’t currently a very good internet brand, even with the strength of the magazine behind them. I’m not sure how losing a decent monthly mag is going to help their poor little site.

But it does beg the question; with them gone should we start a magazine? I would volunteer to be the centerfold if that helped to get things moving.

The queen of extensions was on-hand in Chicago this weekend to promote her new line of hair-extensions, DreamCatchers. I did Google searches for “Dream Catchers Hilton,” “DreamCatchers hair,” “Dream Catchers extensions,” and “Dream Catchers Hilton hair extensions,” and I could not find a single example of this product or information on how one might go about purchasing it. So, good work, Paris. This is a foolproof product launch. It’s like that one time your sister launched an entire hotel and forgot to copyright the name. You kids are business prodigies, I swear.

Also, who launches a line of hair extensions in Chicago? Are they supposed to double as thermal outerwear? I love Chicago, but it’s not exactly an area where the Paris Hilton aesthetic has a whole lot of pull, at least not compared to Los Angeles. Hm. Maybe Jessica Simpson’s line of extensions has the West coast cornered, so Hilton’s trying to promote somewhere else.

Whatever. Her hair looks fake.