We are going to make this girl rich and she knows it. All those naughty pictures we’ve helped splash across the Internet are going to make Miz Antonella Barba a nice pile of cash. After Girls Gone Wild owner Joe Francis offered the American Idol sex-pot a quarter of a million dollars to host a video for them, SugarDVD, the largest renter of adult DVDs online, has upped the ante, offering Barba $500K to become their new spokesperson. Damn. If this chick decides to walk away from these offers, citing a decision to “focus on singing” and “finish school,” I will lose way more respect for her than I did when I saw those BJ pics.

ABC is retarded. I like the Geico Cavemen commercials…I find them really funny but I don’t know if there is enough funny for a half-hour sitcom once a week.

The story goes that one of the Cavemen ends up marrying a southern society girl, Kate and she ends up taking him into her world of country clubs and high living with hilarious results. It is a “fish out of water” tale that fails to address the fact that cavemen kind of disappeared in the Stone Age.

How will they explain the existence of the Cavemen? I really hope they go the “Encino Man” result and have some crazy cooks find them frozen in a block of ice. OMG! Maybe Pauly Shore could make a cameo.

For those Cavemen fans out there, is also a website called Cavemen’s Crib. You can interact with your favorite Cavemen, dress them up, ect… I feel as though these funny guys are going to wear out their welcome quite fast. Kind of like Jessica Simpson.

Where is Mandy Moore when you really need her?

Say what you want about her candids, but Kirsten Dunst has a knack for doing really, really cool photo layouts. This one’s for the latest issue of W magazine, and I think it’s an intriguing set of pictures.

I honestly don’t even remember what show this kid was on anymore. Oz? Prison Break? Kids Incorporated? It was something. Anyway, he got drunk with a bunch of teenagers sometime in December, piled the whole lot of them in his car, and drove one of them off into eternity. And then his lawyer was all like “Oh no he wasn’t drunk at all,” and then the whole entire world was like “Bullshit” and then it turned out he used to live with the God-fearing Simpsons as a teenager (I mean Joe and Jessica and Ashlee, not Homer and Lisa and Bart) and then eventually Brandy killed some married mother on the 405 and then Anna Nicole died and then Britney shaved her head and went to rehab and left rehab and went to rehab and then Jennifer Hudson won an Oscar and Anna Nicole was buried and … maybe he was on The Bachelor?

Anyway, they’re charging him with felony vehicular manslaughter, but they’re not alleging gross negligence. He’ll do a maximum of six years in prison. He’s planning to surrender to the court voluntarily this afternoon.

The YouTube title says Tracey Morgan is wasted here but I don’t think so. He’s just a crazy funny bastard. It’s about 30 seconds in when things get interesting, the interviewer clearly wasn’t prepped for who Mr. Morgan was and what he is about.

I love him and I love 30 Rock.

The former reverend exemplifies the qualities we look for in our men of the cloth: love, tolerance, and an awareness that life does not bend to our will. He’s really just all of this and more.

When asked about Britney Spears’ recent stint in rehab, Joe said the following: “I would never let that happen to my daughters. Hopefully, her family will take care of the situation.”

That’s right, Joe. You would never let that happen to your daughters, because you have complete and total control of their lives, which is healthy for all parties involved. At least Britney’s family realized there was a problem and pressed their child to get help. You’d probably just lock Ashlee or Jessica in a basement for awhile. Totally normal.

Hey, Joe, did you catch Dirt this week? It was totally about you. The actor that played you? He even looked like you.

This story is about the guy from the band Blues Traveler, a band you probably don’t recall. But the story is too good to pass up. I would share this with you even if it happened to my uncle.

Here we go.

SPOKANE, Wash. (AP) — Blues Traveler singer and harmonica player John Popper was arrested after the vehicle he was riding in was clocked going 111 mph, the Washington State Patrol said Wednesday. Inside the black Mercedes SUV, officers found a cache of weapons and a small amount of marijuana, the Patrol said. A police dog searched the vehicle, finding numerous hidden compartments containing four rifles, nine handguns and a switchblade knife. Authorities also found a Taser and night vision goggles. The vehicle also had flashing emergency headlights, a siren and a public address system, the Patrol said.

“Popper indicated to troopers that he had installed these items in his vehicle because (in the event of a natural disaster) he didn’t want to be left behind,” the Patrol said in a news release.

This guy rules all! How did he only have one hit back in 1996? He’s clearly got the right stuff for either a comeback or the end of the world.

Godspeed big man.