It seems as though Posh and KatCruise are in a tiff.

Why you ask? Perhaps it has something to do with Posh slamming the Science religion. There are all sorts of fun quotes here but it’s my sacred duty to distill them into one comedy nugget. Here goes:

According to Victoria’s friend, it all boils down to this: “Scientology is an expensive religion; Victoria is too cheap to convert.”

According to the NY Daily News, Victoria told a pal: “There’s no way I’d spend any money on that nonsense,” regarding the cultish “religion.”

You got it, the issue isn’t Xenu or the fact that the religion was written about 40 years ago by a guy whacked out of his mind on sedatives, no it’s all about the finances baby.

Posh remembers those pre-Spice days, back when she was eating Chef Boyardee out of a can. And who can blame her? Baby Spice is probably working the street right now.

Now that we have the boring film awards part out of the way, we can focus on the truly important aspects of the Oscars: the parties and the gossip! While only the creme de la creme gets an invite to the actual awards ceremony (so can someone please explain to me what Jessica Biel was doing there?), plenty more celebs show up to the viewing parties and the after-parties. The biggest after-party is always Vanity Fair’s, which was hosted this year at Morton’s. Celebs who showed up included Gwyneth Paltow, Oprah, Madonna, Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban, Kirsten Dunst, Daniel Craig, Orlando Bloom, and many, many more. PopSugar and their WireImage subscription have more pictures of it than you could ever flip through. Well, maybe you could. Pictures from inside the party are here, pics of the men arriving are here, and pics of the women arriving are here.

Elton John hosted his annual AIDS Foundation Oscar bash in Beverly Hills. Attendees included Tara Reid, Victoria Beckham, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Diddy (who should probably be spending less time at parties and more time keeping his 12-year-old son away from lap dances), Sheryl Crow, Eve, Petra Nemcova, Naomi Campbell and Sharon Stone. One billion pictures here.

Giorgio Armani hosted his elite pre-Oscar party on Saturday night at Ron Burkle’s estate. Attendees included George Clooney, Anne Hathaway, Penelope Cruz, Chris Kattan, John Travolta, Mischa Barton, Dylan McDermott, Sandra Oh, Clive Owen, Angie Harmon, Leonardo DiCaprio, Beyonce, and Katie Holmes. Pics here.

So, lots of pretty pictures. Boring, right? Totally. You want the dirt? Well, me too. Sometimes it takes a few days for the good stuff to trickle out, but I’ll give you what I’ve got so far.

Eddie Murphy, always a class act, left the awards ceremony in a huff after losing the Best Supporting Actor award to Alan Arkin. “He’s very disappointed,” says a friend. Murphy didn’t even stick around to see the Dreamgirls performance, and missed out on watching co-star Jennifer Hudson (and her spacesuit) win the Best Supporting Actress award. It’s okay, Eddie. Maybe you’ll get a shot at Best Actor for Norbit.

Jennifer Love Hewitt was hosting the viewing party at gay hot-spot The Abbey, if by “hosting” you mean “sitting in a corner and refusing to talk to anyone and leaving the second Best Picture was announced.” Full report on her bitchiness by an attendee here.

Sharon Stone treated the crew at Morton’s with a repeat performance of her role as drunken auctioneer. Reports ABC:

Stone, unsteady on her feet and slurring her words, rambled, “I’ve been sitting at my table with P. Diddy and Jon Bon Jovi, and I’m a little messed up,” later calling herself a “bad girl.” She did manage, however, to get two different attendees bidding on a chance to attend John’s 60th birthday bash to each front $250,000.

If you just want to relive your favorite moments for the Oscars telecast, you’re in luck. The videos are all over the Internet. Remember when Ryan showed Giuliana his Calvin Klein underwear on the red carpet? That precious moment of awkwardness is forever memorialized here. The song and dance by Will Ferrell, Jack Black, and John C. Reilly? Here. The Dreamgirls performance in all its belted glory is here. At least Jennifer Hudson spent five minutes of the ceremony looking like she lives on planet Earth. Shadow dancing? Hells yes.

Brandon Davis makes Paris Hilton cry at her birthday party. Somewhere, Lindsay Lohan has a newfound confidence in her Higher Power. [Celebslam]

Pink has one of those sexy jutting-out pelvic bones that are absolutely irresistible … on a man. [The Blemish]

Hey, guess who’s freakin’ adorable? The Jolie-Pitt family! [POTP]

Vivid agrees not to distribute the Kim Kardashian video until all this Britney/Anna hype dies down and the blogosphere can once again focus on a C-lister’s sexcapades. [Celebrity Smack]

100 places to get music online. [Bree]

Do you ever catch yourself watching MTV’s Juvies and think to yourself, “Man, I wish some blogger would do an interview with one of those crazies?” I don’t. But still. This is a pretty funny interview. [IBBB]

David Spade has a blog. I guess the rest of us should just stop now. Strange, I used to think I was funny. [The Showbiz Show]

Or, you know, candy-nosed journalist, white-nosed journalist, powder-nosed journalist. Take your pick. Ana’s BFF submitted the “My Favorite Purse” essay she wrote in fifth grade to the New York Times, and in return they handed over her very own byline:

I have a large, red quilted Chanel bag that I borrowed from my sister Ashley. I wore it to an event and never gave it back. Luckily, she’s moved on to another bag, so I’m safe for now. I’m not quite sure how many bags I have, but let’s just say I have a few. When I find a bag I like, I tend to wear it to death until I become obsessed with another one. This probably happens three to five times a year. But I always come back to the Chanel. The size isn’t overwhelming, and it has enough subtle detail to keep it interesting.

I also have the smaller version in blue and in white, but the red is definitely my favorite. I don’t have a stylist — I’d rather just do my own thing and put together my own outfits. The chain-handle bag is the perfect accent to almost any combination I come up with. I look at everything with a designer’s eye, but I wouldn’t change a thing about this bag. I think that’s why it’s a true classic.

Wow, MK. Tear. Did someone say “Pulitzer”? I think yes.

Thanks to Gawker for the heads-up.

My version: How good is this intro:

CANTON, Mass. – For the second time in a year, Bobby Brown has been arrested while in town to watch his daughter at a cheerleading competition.

Lesson: Don’t go to cheerleading competitions. Also:

Brown was cooperative outside the high school, and borrowed Loomis’ cell phone to arrange to get out of jail, the constable said.

1) He was cooperative because this happens all the time.
2) The conversation went something like this:

“Hey, it’s Bobby. Not much. Oh, yeah, one quick thing, I’m in jail again. Yup, child support. Ha! Well where’s the fun in paying man? Anyway, can you rustle up some cash and come on down? No, no hurry, I’m catching up with some of my my buddies. Cool. See ya then.”

I really wish the Bobby/Whit show would come back on. That was the best show ever, just ahead of Growing Pains.

“Show me that smile again (show me that smile) /
Don’t waste another minute on your crying!”

Well then. K-Fed made the list, no shocker there. I am starting to wonder if she can come back from this. Not career wise, the world is a forgiving place, but mentally. She seems rabbit on the stove crazy at this point.

Our friends (seriously, we have lunch together) over at “I don’t like you in that way” are all over this too.