I know, I know. Horribly cliche headline. But it’s 2 pm on Friday and I haven’t slept much this week, so give me a break, okay? Grey’s Anatomy star Patrick Dempsey and his wife welcomed twin boys, named Sullivan Patrick and Darby Galen, on Thursday afternoon. Dempsey and his wife, Jillian, already have one daughter, Tallulah, who is five years old. Mom and babies are healthy and happy.

The ultra-hunky Dempsey graces the cover of Details magazine this month, and the actor opens up to the publication for a full-length piece (read it here). For as much success as Dempsey’s found on Grey’s, his dreams are even bigger: “Things are going well, but I’m not satisfied. I don’t think the character is going to change that much. Shonda Rhimes has created a great show. And I’m contributing to that and have benefited from that profoundly. And she’s benefited by being smart enough to cast me when no one else did. [It’s] been a great opportunity, but it’s not the end-all, be-all of where I want to go.”

Joe Francis is kind enough to voice his opinion on the sexual strengths and weaknesses of young Hollywood, with Paris Hilton in a commanding lead. He also manages to plug ParisExposed about ten times, which is quite the favor for a website he claims to despise. Turn the other cheek, eh, Joe? [TMZ]

Denise Richards: what’s not to hate? [Celebrity Smack]

Reese and Ryan suck it up and attend their daughter’s school play together. I’m so Team Reese on this one. [A Socialite's Life]

Congratulations, DJ AM. You’ve earned yourself another fifteen minutes of fame. And, yes, Mandy, Zach’s pissed. Everybody wins! [Just Jared]

Kate at Fishbowl has the 411 on Top Design behind the scenes. [FishbowlLA]

“The first time I get into a car accident and I see a blind guy get out of the other car — I’m kicking somebody’s ass.” [Pajiba]

For what it’s worth, National Enquirer is reporting that Nick & Vanessa are engaged. [The Bosh]

I spend a truly unforgivable amount of time watching television by myself in my living room. I get considerable enjoyment from most of these hours, but it’s very, very rare that I will actually laugh out loud, by myself, in my living room while watching television. Laughing, in that respect, is different from the consumption of alcohol and/or week-old pizza and the use of my vibrator. But I digress.

I totally laughed out loud tonight. Like eight times. I don’t know what it is about Sarah Silverman, but her comedy is truly original. It’s tricky to pin down what makes something funny, but I’ve heard again and again that humor is something both true and unexpected. Sarah’s a genius with this, particularly the latter part. I mean, at this point, we do expect to hear from her on the Holocaust, black people, gays and the government, but somehow her angle is totally fresh each time. There’s no way to explain it. You just have to watch.

If you missed The Sarah Silverman Program, catch it one of the 1800 times Comedy Central will rerun it this week. You won’t regret it.

Sour grapes much, ladies? Envy isn’t a good look on you.

As I recall, the last time we saw Michael Jackson’s children, he was dangling one of them over a balcony in Germany (Or England? Who cares?). But I guess some photogs got tired of trailing Paris Hilton around Beverly Hills and filling up her gas tank, so they decided to hoof it out to Vegas (where Britney Spears is rumored to be working on her new album) and stalk the Jackson kids. The Jackson clan is hanging out in Sin City as Michael bangs out the details on what is rumored to be a comeback show in Vegas. Michael has been notorious for guarding the faces and identities of his children (yeah, right, that’s why Michael Jackson’s notorious…), but he must have let his guard down, because they got some pretty stellar shots of the kids — Prince Michael I, Prince Michael II and Paris — with the nannies at Circus Circus.

Now, the official Jackson party line on the pedigree of these children is that Michael is the biological father, but I’m certain I’m not the only one who’s noticed that they don’t look in the least bit black. I’m no expert on this sort of thing, but, having spent a great deal of time in my life around both people who identify as “black” and people who identify as “white,” I’ve developed what I feel is a strong gut ability to determine whether someone is “black” or “not in any way by any stretch of the imagination even by a long shot maybe just a little bit black.” These kids fall firmly into the second category.

Black or white, though, they sure are freaking adorable. I bet they’re absolute nightmares in person.

Beverly Hills police yesterday released more details on Prison Break star Lane Garrison’s car wreck in December, which killed a 17-year-old boy. To the surprise of absolutely no one, Garrison’s blood alcohol content was at least .16%, and he’d also been doing lines of cocaine before he got behind the wheel. He’ll be charged with DUI, and likely with felony DUI. The police also recommended that Garrison be charged with contributing to the delinquency of a minor.

I’ll tell ya, this guy is Brandy’s best friend right now. Nothing distracts from your totally sober, momentarily distracted, life-claiming wreck on the 405 like a coke-snortin’, Grey-Goose-shootin’, underage-girl-totin’ life-claiming wreck in Beverly Hills. She should write him a thank-you note when he’s in jail.

Alright, alright. The new guy over at MollyGood earned his stripes today with this headline on Isaiah Washington’s return from Gayhab. I don’t know who you used to be, Cord, but you’re one of us now. And, just for kicks, I tracked down the headline that made me fall in love with Molly in the first place.

I’ll start posting gossip at some point today, guys, I promise. Having trouble focusing. Not sure why. Well, maybe I have some idea.

In the meantime, rewatch the clips from the Sarah Silverman Program and GET FUCKING PUMPED!!!