Archive for February, 2007

AmIdol Recap: Top 10 Girls

Wednesday, February 28th, 2007
We’re back. Top ten girls. Randy’s in another one of those never-to-be-worn-on-television patterned shirts. Which is forgivable in comparison to Ryan, who is wearing lavender.

Gina Glocksen. We’re still dedicating, and this one goes out to her boyfriend. “Alone.” I’m not loving the beginning, but she kicks it up toward the end. She’s a little off on a few of the notes, but I like her. She’s got spunk. She’s wearing this red prom dress she got at Forever 21, and it doesn’t really fit the song, let alone her, but whatever. I think there’s a guitar pick on her charm necklace, and that’s cool. Everyone liked her, but Simon thought her vocals were forced at the end. He mentions that her outfit doesn’t fit the song. I should judge this show.

Alaina Alexander. Dedicated to robots! No, her mom. These people are so predictable. “Not Ready to Make Nice,” which is risky because this song gets so much radio play these days. But I have to hand it to this girl: she rocks this shit out … at first. Vocally a little shaky at the end, but I like her, too. She got the memo from the Oscars about no necklaces. Randy hated the vocals. Paula says it was shaky but not as bad as Randy said. Simon mentions that she ran out of steam.

LaKisha Jones is wearing the costume you put on when you have to be at a Halloween party in twenty minutes and you forgot to buy an actual costume. I call it “slutty pumpkin.” It’s this bright orange shirt and short dark denim skirt, with leopard-print shoes. It’s possible the shirt is actually red in person, but these people need to check their outfits on camera first. Dedicated to her grandmother, who I cannot freakin’ believe is nearly 90 years old. Honestly, she doesn’t look a day over 65. I work with people who look older than this woman. “Midnight Train to Georgia.” This girl has hands-down the best voice in this competition, she makes it seem effortless, and she’s a great performer to boot. Everyone liked her. Paula’s sober. Bummer. Simon didn’t like her outfit. Oh, Simon calls the shirt “orange,” so I guess that’s what it is. Ryan calls it “salmon,” and it’s embarrassing for him primarily because a straight man would never use that word to describe anything but a fish, and also because that shirt is definitely not salmon.

Melinda Doolittle. Aw, dedicated to her two best friends, which is way better than dedicating to a boyfriend. It’s not robots, but so far she wins my vote for best dedication. “My Funny Valentine.” It’s a great song for showing off her voice. She has an incredible range, and her voice is very mature. Man, I really like her, too. I like a lot of the girls this season. I don’t even have anything mean to say about her clothes. Randy loved her. Paula thinks she’s “out of this world.” Simon thought it was “incredible.” Simon’s like, “We’ve had some precocious little monsters on this show,” in praise of Melinda’s low-ego approach, but someone needs to start a band called Precocious Little Monsters. A band or a Montessori.

Antonella Barba. Dressed for her Austin Powers: The Spy Whose Dick I Sucked audition. Dedicated to her brother, who is totally adorable. “Because You Loved Me.” We’re three notes in. This will not end well. This song is so much bigger than her. Honestly, she’s about 500 times better than she was last week, but this girl shouldn’t even dream of pitting her voice against Celine Dion’s. Randy starts with “On the positive side, you are drop-dead gorgeous.” That’s a bad sign. “That song was completely the wrong song, way too big for you.” Paula mentions she was way better than last week. Simon thinks she was worse than last week, which I’d disagree with.

Jordin Sparks. Also to her brother. Copy-cat. “Reflection,” like the one from Mulan. I was scared for her at first, because Christina Aguilera’s a tough act to follow, but she pulls it off. She got the no-necklace memo. Yeah, she does a great job with a very difficult song. She’s crying after watching the film piece about her brother. Holy shit, I forgot she was 17. Randy mentions it as he praises her. Paula loves her. Simon thought it was “excellent.”

Ryan mentions that Kellie Pickler will perform on the results show tomorrow. “She’s always fun,” he says, “and candid,” which is probably the best euphemism ever for the way Kellie Pickler speaks.

Stephanie Edwards, who I have to admit I don’t even remember from last week, for whatever that’s worth. Dedicated to mom and dad. “Dangerously in Love.” She actually sounds a lot like Beyonce, now that I pay attention to it. I don’t know if this is a good song choice, just because it’s not particularly melodic. It’s more chant-y. It doesn’t really show off a voice. She does an incredible run toward the end, but it’s just not a performance I’ll remember tomorrow. She also got her dress at Forever 21. But no necklace. Randy mentions that she sounded exactly like Beyonce, and he thinks she needs to be more original. Paula thought she was brilliant. Simon loved it. Randy, embarrassed to have been disagreed with, quickly mentions that he’s worked with Beyonce. Paula falls over in exasperation. Heh.

Leslie Hunt, to her late grandfather. She has this really low speaking voice with a kinda stoner-cool edge to it (not that drugs are cool, kids). In her film clip, she’s wearing the same necklace she wore to perform last week. It’s a cool necklace, but you gotta be cognizant of these things, dear. “Feelin’ Good,” which, um, A.J. Tabaldo sang last night, so this is weird. I really liked her last week, but she’s not doing it for me this week. She tries scatting at the end, which, um, Blake Lewis did last night, too, and which she doesn’t do nearly as well as he does. Randy thought it was pitchy, which it was. Paula liked it. Simon’s like “I know why you loved her,” to Paula, then, to Leslie, “because, that bit at the end, you sounded like Paula talking.” I wonder how long Simon’s been sitting on that joke.

Hayley Scarnato, who’s another one I don’t remember from last week. Dedicated to her fiance, who’s super hot. “Queen of the Night.” She does a respectable job with the song, but, again, I won’t remember this girl tomorrow. Randy wasn’t impressed. Paula thought she was way better than last week. Simon gives her an A for effort, but wasn’t too impressed vocally. Hayley looks like she’s going to cry. Then she cries. Oh, poor baby.

Sabrina Sloan. Dedicated to her grandmother. It’s actually a very sweet dedication. “All the Man I Need.” She looks gorgeous. She does a killer job with the song, too. I like her. She’s on my A+ list. Oh shit, and she turns around to thank the band when she’s done. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a contestant do that. Very classy of her. Randy and Paula love her. Simon thought it was the wrong song, but thinks she’ll stick around another week.

So my money’s on Leslie Hunt to go home, and probably Alaina Alexander, too, but maybe Hayley Scarnato. Vocally Antonella should go home, but you know that girl is stickin’ around. Results tomorrow.

Early Evening Links

Wednesday, February 28th, 2007

The National Enquirer thinks Anna Nicole’s underlying cause of death was pneumonia. And if it ran in the National Enquirer, it must be true. [Celebslam]

I knew this world was missing something. I thought it was, like, a cure for AIDS and cancer, or peace, or even potable water, but it turns out it was just a hip-shakin’ Beyonce/Shakira duet. Phew. [POTP]

Oh hells yes. A new Star Trek movie in the works! [Pajiba]

Carmen Electra’s next big career move is as a magician’s assistant in Las Vegas, where maybe she can make another marriage disappear. [popbytes]

Katherine Heigl isn’t leaving Grey’s Anatomy anytime soon, although they do hate her quite a bit around there. [ICYDK]

Jennifer Love Hewitt has very lovely breasts. [Egotastic]

Diddy Throws Down

Wednesday, February 28th, 2007

See, you have to wait a day or two for all the best dirt to come out from the Oscars after-parties, and we can always count on getting some gossip mileage out of Diddy, who didn’t learn his lesson about violence in public the last time. Or the time before that. Or that time in that night club with Jennifer Lopez. Or the time before that.

Diddy’s being investigated by the LAPD for allegedly clocking some dude after the guy asked him nicely to stop inviting his fiancee to a private party.

Gerard Rechnitzer was at a post-Oscar bash Sunday night with his fiancee at Teddy’s at the Roosevelt Hotel in Hollywood. At around 2 AM Monday morning, the 27-year-old Rechnitzer was on his way to the parking lot when he made a pit stop in the bathroom. When he walked out, he noticed his fiancee was surrounded by six men, including Combs. We’re told the 5′7″, 140 lb. Rechnitzer watched as Combs chatted up his girl for about five minutes, and then asked his fiancee to leave with him.

At that point, Combs allegedly told the woman he was having a party and invited her to come. Rechnitzer persisted and asked his fiancee again to leave with him. Combs then allegedly socked Rechnitzer in the jaw.

Hey, Diddy, don’t you have better things to do than hit on other guys’ chicks? Like, I don’t know, hang out with your two newborn girls? Or have that father-son chat with your twelve-year-old about cameras and lap dances? Just some suggestions.

Stalkerdom Posing as Cutesy Art

Wednesday, February 28th, 2007
There are times you truly feel sorry for people who make millions of dollars, because there isn’t a price you could pay me for certain elements of the job.

For instance, take this psycho, she handcuffs herself to Hugh Grant and acts like it’s just what girls do. If that were me I would have been tempted to batter her with her own shoe. She wouldn’t have been able to run.

Hi, Matthew McConaughey. Would You Like to Have Sex?

Wednesday, February 28th, 2007

Surfing in Australia. And normally those ridiculous swim trunks would be a deal-breaker, but I’ll make an exception for you, Matty.

Everyone On Grey’s Anatomy Hates Everyone Else

Wednesday, February 28th, 2007
If I were E!, I’d be working on this True Hollywood Story already. It’s going to be more interesting than anything on the fictional show. With Isaiah Washington back from gayhab, things had started to settle down at Seattle Grace. That is, until Shonda Rhimes announced last week that Dr. Addison Montgomery (played by Kate Walsh) would be getting her own spin-off show. This didn’t sit well with the gigantic egos on network television’s most volatile set. According to an on-set source, “the rest of the cast seemed instantly resentful of [Walsh]. They each thought they’d be the one chosen to get their own show, and now they’re giving Kate the cold shoulder.” The source added that Ellen Pompeo “seemed particularly peeved because she felt that, as the star, she should have been consulted.”

I call bull on that last bit. Why on earth would Ellen Pompeo be consulted on that sort of production decision? I think even Ellen’s underfed brain knows she has no standing in who gets a spin-off. The first part, though, I totally buy.

I imagine these are factors in Katherine Heigl’s decision to drop out of contract negotiations with the show’s producers over a salary dispute. “Katie is disappointed and hurt that Touchstone doesn’t value her as much as her other co-stars, especially Sandra Oh and Isaiah Washington,” says a source. Katie’s been pissed with the producers for a long time, as she felt Isaiah wasn’t punished harshly enough for his behavior toward her BFF T.R. Knight, and, with latecomer Kate Walsh chosen for a spin-off over her, she’s probably just fuming. Plus, she knows the show can’t lose its two hottest chicks at the same time. That, my friends, would be some serious shark-jumping.

Paris Drives Like Beet

Wednesday, February 28th, 2007



WEST HOLLYWOOD, Calif. (AP) — Paris Hilton was cited for driving on a suspended license after police stopped her for speeding and driving without her headlights on late Tuesday, authorities said.

If you’re going to speed put your headlights on. Also, if you don’t have a valid license do your best to keep it under the speed limit so as not to attract attention.

She was on her way home from buying DVDs at Virgin Megastore in West Hollywood after spending the day at home for a photo shoot, her publicist Elliot Mintz said.

This is why stupid people shouldn’t be obscenely wealthy. Because they have no idea how to live their life in a manner that will allow them not to be bothered. If you gave me Hilton money right now (and you should at least consider it) I would:

1) Subscribe to the Columbia DVD program where they give you the first ten free but charge you $35 a pop after that. No, wait, I’d hire someone to sign me up. Then I’d direct them to order me every DVD that has ever come out, and then order every DVD that is scheduled to come out. Then I’d keep them on the salary with the caveat that if I ever didn’t have a DVD I wanted their $150,000 salary a year would be taken away.

I would then hire one other person to LIVE at Virgin Megastore. They would have the exact same job, only I would pay them more because they would have to live in a store. This would be my double blind system. Even if I had to fire one of them I would always have the DVD I wanted. For kicks I would then hire an IT guru to set up a download system for foreign releases that were not commercially available to either of my DVD mules. If I wanted something exotic I would call out the name of a movie to him (he would be paid to sleep at his computer terminal) and he would get it for me. He would have exactly one hour before I set my attack dog loose on him.

2) I would have a giant man in a bear costume drive me everywhere. He would be armed to the teeth.

See? Better.

James Blunt is a True Blue Hellion

Wednesday, February 28th, 2007

You know that song where he says “You’re Beautiful” and then proceeds to undress on the beach? Well, that’s not the only side to James Blunt. There is something darker and much more sinister within, a beast that Blunt hasn’t been able to tame.

LOS ANGELES (AP) — Police are investigating reports that James Blunt ran over someone’s foot as he was leaving a party, then drove off, authorities said Tuesday.

You know that joke you have with your pals where you pretend they ran over your foot as they pull out of the driveway? Blunt really did it, except without the joke part.

Oh, and TMZ.com reported that Blunt was accompanied by supermodel Petra Nemcova at the time.

Well there you go. If I was Jimmy Blunt, and I was banging Petra Nemcova I’d run over toes without a care in the world because I’m a one hit wonder. This night is probably all I have. Do I care if your toes go crunch? No fucking way man, I’m heading home and this Petra chick is going to do stuff to me that I’ve only seen in the rap videos. I mean really, just look at this fucking guy, he doesn’t have a chance, I hope he is about to run you over right now!

Crunch!

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