Memo to the Malibu Colony fire: if you have to go around destroying the homes of celebrities, could you think of someone a little more interesting than Suzanne Somers? [Celebrity Smack]

Paris Hilton made it nearly a week and a half into the new year before a nip slip. Someone should give her a cookie. [The Blemish]

Check out Kat McPhee’s first single, “Over It.” [popbytes]

Halle Berry sports a sexy gold number at the People’s Choice Awards. [Dirty Laundry]

Paris Hilton(’s attorney) pleads not guilty to her September DUI. [Celeb Warship]

Jessica Alba wants you to think that she thinks it might bother the paparazzi if she takes pictures of them. But Jessica Alba knows that when she takes pictures of the paparazzi taking pictures of her and they get a picture of her taking pictures of them, that picture will sweep through the blogosphere aned she’ll get paid more per picture. It’s simple, really. [IBBB]

Hilary Swank gets her star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. [Mollygood]

Claire Danes and Billy Crudup split. In related news: Claire Danes and Billy Crudup were dating. [Barbie Martini]

The worst films of 2006. [Pajiba]

I’m really hoping this is a joke, because if not the world has gone truly mad. Piven and Cusack, buddies from way back, are now on the outs.

If this is true it’s worse than any divorce or Trump-Rosie nonsense because it’s just two guys who should have no reason to ever quarrel, you know?

Sigh. Here are the relevant quotes from this article:

“No comment. I mean, you could fill in the blank, I bet,” the 41-year-old actor says when asked how Cusack has handled Piven’s recent success. “It just says so much about a person if he has space for other people’s success,” he says.

“I have always been so proud of my friends’ success. I own that proudly because I come by it naturally. I was raised on that spirit of collaboration. … You start getting into trouble in life when you start comparing and contrasting your life to anyone else’s. You don’t win when you do that.”

So Cusack is jealous of Piven? This sounds too loony to be true, and it could be a practical joke. Yes, that must be it, because I’ve never had a guy friend knock me for being the biggest writer on the planet, though clearly that’s the case.

If it is true, guys, c’mon. Let’s not let the system get in the way of a few beers and some laughs. Jobs come and go, women hate us, we gots to stick together my brothers.

See? I told you we’d know soon enough.

J.R. Rotem’s fifteen minutes are up. The K-Fed lookalike is Isaac Cohen, aspiring model/actor and bonafide rich kid. In addition to their yacht outing on Saturday, Brit was seen sucking face with Cohen at the W in Westwood last night.

Where does she find these guys??

Well, Paris didn’t, exactly, because she couldn’t be bothered to appear in court. But her lawyer appeared on her behalf at an L.A. court today, and pleaded not guilty for her, to the DUI she picked up on Sept 7 of last year.

Says Lawrence Taylor, a local attorney and DUI expert, “At this point, I expect the L.A. city attorney will eventually offer her a plea bargain to a lesser charge in which she’ll do no jail time, no community service, and just pay a fine.”

Paris’s good luck with cars continues. After running out of gas in Beverly Hills this weekend, the heiress also managed to dent her brand-new Bentley convertible when she plowed it into some garbage cans outside her house yesterday.

Keep up the good work, Par-bear!

The twosome were spotted getting cozy at The Coffee Bean in Los Angeles. Moore is pretty fresh off her break-up with Zach Braff, and AM has reportedly been hoping to date someone famous again, as his high-profile relationships raise the fees he can charge for his DJ services. His ex-fiancee Nicole Richie is busy splashing around in Cabo, raising Joel Madden’s profile, among other things. So is Mandy his latest target?

I cannot believe this feud is still going strong. Jesus. Let’s bring in a clique of seventh-grade girls to teach these people conflict resolution skills. It can only help. This spat is completely ridiculous and humiliating to all involved parties at this point. Sigh. Let’s backtrack, all the way to this morning.

Both the New York Post and the Daily News ran items today about a spat that occurred backstage at The View yesterday, when both Rosie and Barbara Walters returned from vacation. When Barbara tried to hug Rosie, O’Donnell reportedly screamed at her, “You kept me in the newspapers this whole time!” Said Rosie, “You went all around this and never called [Trump] a liar. You never said, ‘Donald is lying.’ You never called him a liar.” This is, of course, in regards to the on-going feud between Rosie and Donald, in which Donald stated on national television that Barbara had personally told him that putting Rosie on The View was a huge mistake. Walters tried to defend herself, but Rosie wouldn’t let her get a word in. A rep for Rosie and Barbara didn’t even have the strength to straight-up deny that a fight occurred. Her best efforts: “Whatever happened in the hair and makeup room was hardly a squabble. It’s business as usual, everyone has moved on.”

When The View began taping that morning, Walters quickly stated on air, “Let me say definitively, everything that he [Trump] said I said about her [Rosie] is untrue.”

Trump, whose latest season of The Apprentice debuted Sunday to dismal ratings, isn’t going to let go of this so easily. That would require some level of maturity, a concept foreign to Mr. Trump since this feud began. After reading the Post article, Trump penned a vicious letter to Rosie, in which he states:

An article in today’s New York Post indicates that you blew up at BARBARA WALTERS for being a ‘liar.’ Actually, I don’t blame you, but in fact she lied to both of us! After your maniacal and foolish rant against me two weeks ago, Barbara called me from her vacation (I did not call her) in order to apologize for your behavior. She had heard that I was going to retaliate against you and tried to talk me out of it. She very much wanted me to go on the show as soon as she got back so that she could ‘patch things up’ (I said no). To be exact, she said that ‘working with her is like living in hell’ and, more pointedly, ‘Donald, never get into the mud with pigs’ and, ‘don’t worry, she won’t be here for long.’ Barbara knows exactly what she told me over the phone and she has to live with it. Perhaps that’s why her initial statement was so mild!

In another incident, when I saw her eating at Le Cirque about two months ago and asked how ‘Rosie was doing,’ she sarcastically rolled her eyes and said ‘Donald, do you have to ruin my meal.’

In any event, you have a good reason to be angry. Please give my warmest regards to Kelly!

These people make Paris and Nicole look mature. Grow up, guys!

Hilary Swank’s New Year’s resolution is to give away the swag she gets for free, like, every time she leaves her house. That’s nice. My New Year’s resolution is to stop cutting myself when I have to read about how Hilary Swank gets free stuff every time she leaves the house. [Gabsmash]

If you position yourself correctly, you just might be able to have sex with Keira Knightley’s abs. [The Blemish]

Gwen Stefani looking hot in Elle. [Monica Monroe]

Jewel says she’s giving up acting. What? When did she act? Is she referring to that one time she acted like she could write poetry and released a whole book of it? Oh, please say she is. [IBBB]

JT finally cops to the Cam break-up, may or may not be porking Scarlett Johansson. Regardless, it’s nice to see that everyone is at all times remembering to make “dick-in-a-box” jokes when they talk about him. [Agent Bedhead]

Will Smith at the London premiere of “Pursuit of Happyness” with his happi famili. Two can play at this game, Will. [Juicy-News]

Oh, miracle of miracles! There’s actually video of Paris running out of gas near Beverly Hills. A full five minutes of it. [Splash]