I just finished watching the entire BBC “Office” series and I have to say that I am in LOVE with the inspiration for the American hit. Tim and Dawn really give Jim and Pam a run for their money. If you need something to watch on a rainy (or snowy) afternoon get “The Office” on DVD and enjoy a lovely English comedy.

You will recognize some of these actors from “Love Actually,” “Studio 60″ and “Pirates of the Caribbean.” They, like their American counterparts, were mostly unknown actors and actresses and now have enjoyed quite a bit of fame post series. It is funny to compare the two shows. There are many things that are taken directly from the English version and something things that are slightly implied.

The BBC “Office” is very dirty and much more bawdy than its American counterpart. A gigantic inflatable penis in the British version is toned down in the American version to a blow-up doll. They also have a brilliant usage of the word “muff.” The characters go out to clubs and get tanked and talk very frankly about sex. It is really funny to watch Tim and Dawn tease Gareth about homoerotic activities in the army.

I have to say I love our neighbors across the pond. I’m an Anglophile and I’m very proud to say it.

The finale will make you cry. The rest will make you laugh so hard you will pee your pants. Here is a funny clip to wet your appetite.

Here’s the video of the chick I was talking about here. Thanks to the anonymous commenter who tracked it down. Another commenter found this article from her hometown about her Idol dreams. Rewatching this today, it’s slightly less hysterical to me, which I suppose is a good thing. It means I have a soul. Beet, 1. Satan, 0.

Finally! The love of my life, Miss Sarah Silverman, has her very own show on Comedy Central. It premieres tomorrow (Thursday) night, people, so you’ve been given enough warning to make sure your TiVos are set. And it’s on at 10:30 (9:30 Central, check your local listings), so you have no fucking excuse to miss it. It’s after The Office and Grey’s Anatomy. And if you are even considering watching Men in Trees instead of Sarah Silverman, please stop reading my blog forever. I mean that. You’re not welcome here.

Clips below.

She’s totally going to get a walk on her Today Show cuss-fest. Because The Sun has video of Kate Moss loverboy/rehab regular Pete Doherty actually injecting cocaine into his body. Warning: I’m totally not kidding. If watching a pathetic British rock star pierce his skin with a needle jam-packed with junk is going to bother you in any way, don’t click on this video.

Because, admit it, you care.

Britney Spears offered Kevin Federline a cool $25 mil to get out of her — and her children’s — lives for good, and he’s turned it down. Depending on whom you believe, this is either because he’s holding out for $50M or because he actually refuses to make a graceful exit from the lives of their children. Says one source: “He loves his two little boys, and there’s no way he’s going to disappear from their lives.” Both parties are asking for sole custody of the kids.

Federline has proven that he can make his own income. He recently filmed a Super Bowl commercial for Nationwide Insurance and has reportedly fielded offers to do a number of reality TV shows. Of course this is not a particularly sustainable business model, but he certainly has at least another year or two of pseudo-stardom. If he invests well, he can probably swear off back-up dancing for the rest of his life, with or without Britney’s money. And who the hell knows? Maybe, in this process, he’ll rehabilitate his image to the point where he can build some manner of non-laughable career as an entertainment figure. I mean, if Screech is still famous, there’s no limit to Kevin Federline’s potential.

Okay, look, I know the audition phase is always a freak show, but tonight was in a class all its own.

For starters, on day one in Birmingham, Paula Abdul is trashed. I mean, right from the start. Just out of her freakin’ head deeeeeeeeeerunk. Not the twitching-a-little-and-making-no-sense Paula we’ve come to know and love, but actually-on-the-floor-and-having-trouble- standing-and- laughing-at- inappropriate-times out of her goddamn skull drunk. I suppose it’s possible that the sound feed between the auditioners and the judges table got dropped. Or, you know, the sound feed between Paula Abdul’s brain and the rest of her body got dropped. Or, most likely, Paula herself got dropped on her head as a child. Sigh. This is only day one.

Day one also brings Jamie Lynn Ward, who is Kellie Pickler on acid. This girl has a Southern accent I didn’t know you could actually hear outside the context of a comedy sketch. Simon asks her to tell them something interesting about herself. Which is the politest way the producers could come up with of getting at the following response: “I live wit may grammaw and may daddy’s paralyzed from here down. He shot hisself raight here (pointing to neck). His waif wuz cheatin awn im, which wuz may stepmomma an he cawt em in the act an it wuddn’t the firs time so like he shot her and he shot hisself and now I live wit may grammaw to help her take care a im.” Beat. “But its okay.”

Please, God, why am I laughing so hard right now? I can’t stop! I am a bad person, I admit it. I have scoured YouTube for footage of this eloquence, but I can’t find it yet. Please please please Lord let it be up tomorrow. Please please if any of you finds this on YouTube, send me the link. I’m begging you! I must have this thing on my blog.

By day two, Paula’s in a rehab detoxing. Or, as Ryan Seacrest narrates, at a “family obligation” in Los Angeles. So it’s just Randy and Simon at the judges table. Which, frankly, makes for a really strange chemistry, and I realize now how important Paula is, drunk and all. I know Birmingham isn’t exactly the music capital of the world, but was there really no one in that city who could judge on short notice? For 30 million viewers? Tammy Wynette, where are you when we need you?

Alright, alright. I’m done for now. I’ll shut up. In closing, to quote the inimitable Leslie Carter: “It’s, like, wow!”