In one of the strangest stories I’ve seen recently, Lane Garrison, who plays Tweener on Prison Break, was involved in a fatal car crash Saturday night in Beverly Hills. Garrison was behind the wheel of his Land Rover when it lost control and crashed into a tree, killing one of the passengers, a 17-year-old boy. Also in the car were two 15-year-old girls, one of whom is still in critical condition at Cedars Sinai. Beverly Hills police say Garrison, who was taken to a hospital and released, displayed “symptoms of alcohol intoxication.”

Not to take away from the tragedy of this, but this story gets weird. First of all, Garrison is 26 years old. So what on earth was he doing with three teenagers — including two 15-year-old girls — in his car? His lawyer says Garrison had never met the teenagers before. They met him in a supermarket that day, recognized him, and asked him if he wanted to go to a party. Garrison apparently not only agreed to go to the party, but took the teenagers in his car with him? Vincent Chase what?

Later — according to this lawyer guy — Lane was leaving the party to meet a woman at his apartment, and the teenagers asked to accompany him. Lane agreed, and they all piled into his car and headed for disaster.

What?? Is this what passes for spin control these days? Let me get this straight — an attractive 26-year-old actor on a successful TV show opts to spend his Saturday night at a house party with a bunch of teenagers, and then, as he’s heading home for his booty call, agrees to take the teenagers with him? No, sir, nothing out of the ordinary here. R. Kelly does it all the time.

Then there’s the matter of the booze. According to the lawyer, Lane had a total of two drinks that evening, but — and this is my favorite part — “Who knows if someone put something in his drink at the party.” Yes, that must be it. The cheerleading squad was planning a rape. They did that at my high school sometimes, too. We had to have a special assembly to discuss the cheerleading-squad-planting-roofies-in-drinks issue. Poor guy.

Lane is reportedly “despondent” over all this. And he should be, since he’ll probably soon be moving from Prison Break to prison. We barely knew ye, kiddo.

The OC’s Rachel Bilson and Adam Brody decide to call it quits. In real life, not on the show. Are they still on that show? Do I really care? No. [Tabloid Whore]

Eddie Murphy reportedly announces to a Dutch television show that he’s no longer dating Mel B. (aka Scary Spice) and now questions the paternity of her child. His rep says these reports are false. Maybe Eddie needs to take a tip from Gwyneth Paltrow and brush up on his foreign-language skills. [TMZ]

Um…related? Eddie Murphy is dating film producer and Babyface ex Tracey Edmonds. [Bossip]

I’m Not Obsessed has a good index of YouTube clips from the VH1 Big in 06 Awards. [I'm Not Obsessed]

George Clooney’s pet pig dies. Perhaps this will send him into a drunken emotional tailspin, hitting up Hyde every night with new BFF Stavros Niarchos, culminating in a glorious George Clooney crotch shot. Is that too much to ask?? [Junkiness]

I love Jennifer Garner. After her weight gain kicked off rumors of another pregnancy, she decides to just fess up: “Nobody’s pregnant. I am as physically unfit as I’ve probably been in my whole life.” [Pop on the Pop]

Oh good. Tori Spelling’s writing a memoir. People notes that the opus will “likely be done with the help of a ghostwriter.” I would, honestly, be much more interested in the stunning work of literature that Tori Spelling would surely produce if left entirely to her own devices. [People]

Two Beckhams for the price of one Courtney Love? You’ve got yourselves a deal, England! [popbytes]

Have we forgotten that Borat is still really funny?
I really think that I saw something eerily like this at a reception dinner in Croatia.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zLP5gNI0kwo]

Life & Style reports that Bilson and Brody are dunzo. This isn’t a huge surprise, as there have been rumors of a split forever, and the two have rarely been photographed together the past few months. “They’ve been done for a few weeks,” says a friend.

Is it just me, or have the past couple of months been almost entirely celeb break-ups, with very few new couplings? I guess it’s a new trend. This also means there are a lot of free celebs out on the singles market. Hopefully the new year will bring a wave of fun new celeb couplings. Any guesses?

Gwyneth Paltrow responded today to reports that she gave a Portuguese newspaper a quote that “the British are much more intelligent and civilized than the Americans.”

Says Paltrow: “I felt so upset to be completely misconstrued and I never, ever would have said that. I definitely did not say that I think the British are more intelligent and civilized than Americans. I am a New York girl, that’s how I always think of myself and see myself.”

Paltrow denies giving an interview specifically to the Portuguese paper, although she did give a press conference — in Spanish — for an endorsement she did in Spain. “Obviously I need to go back to seventh-grade Spanish!” quips Paltrow.

Update: Ha! The ever-worldly Evil T just emailed me to remind me that they don’t speak Spanish in Portugal. Hee hee, maybe Gwyneth needs to go back to seventh-grade social studies instead. I should probably go with her.

UpdateUpdate: In fairness, perhaps the writing staff of that Portuguese daily needs to brush up on their Spanish. Or, you know, stop fabricating stories.

Did anyone catch her on Regis and Kelly this morning? She’s still creepily well-spoken, but it’s a little less freaky now that she’s a pre-teen. It was just really, really unsettling when she was, like, 7, carrying herself with more poise and maturity than most of my coworkers (in fairness, I work in software).

In the sick, sick mind of a celebrity gossip blogger, I’m staring at my TV, trying to follow her captivating story about her recent orthodontist visit, and I’m just sitting there thinking “I cannot wait until this girl flashes her coochie.” Not in a because-I-plan-to-masturbate-to-it sort of way, just in a watching-gossip-history-unfold sort of way. I mean, she’s 12 years old now. By the time she’s 15 or so, she’ll probably be Paris Hilton’s BFF, because Lindsay Lohan was 15 when Paris adopted her (this is assuming Paris manages to not OD on cocaine or Valtex between now and then). Then will come the drunken nights at whatever the hot LA club is at that point (let’s call it “Phurie”), and the hordes of paparazzi, and the short skirts and the absence of underwear, and then the holy, holy grail: the Dakota Fanning Crotch Shot.

So I’m starting a pool. $5 gets you in. In what year will we get the elusive Dakota Fanning crotch shot?

a) She won’t hold out much longer: 2007
b) After she needs a bra: 2009
c) During the post-Oscar-win frenzy: 2011
d) At least wait until it’s not kiddie porn: 2012
e) You are a sick, sick woman. Dakota would never do that. She will be a virgin forever and will never drink or use drugs or fall into that Hollywood trap. Also, I’m her mother.

Feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments. If you’d like to play, email me at evilbeet@gmail.com with your guess, and I’ll tell you where to send the check.

Now that we’ve finally got that Kid Rock nonsense behind us, we’re back to adorable pictures of Pam with the true love of her life, Tommy Lee. The two got together to watch their sons play football in Westlake Village, but can a sequel to their fabulous sex tape be far behind? When are they going to realize they were made for each other?!*

*As a side note, “We Were Made for Each Other” is also the name of a track off the Jack’s Mannequin album, Everything in Transit. Tommy Lee actually played the drums on this album, and if you haven’t heard it, I suggest you do so immediately.