Archive for November, 2006

The Guy from Seinfeld Hates You (if you’re black).

Monday, November 20th, 2006

Oh happy day. A Seinfeld alumnus is in the news again, and this time it’s not for a cancelled show. TMZ has a video and some lovely text about the guy who used to be Kramer going off, Wu-Tang style, on some hapless hecklers. Evidently the set wasn’t going well for Michael Richards because he had to fire back at the crowd with this doozy:

“Fifty years ago we’d have you upside down with a f***ing fork up your ass.”

This sentiment was launched at one of our African American brothers, though one has to question the historical validity of “forking.” I’ve never heard of such a practice. In the video someone can be heard saying “Oh my God” but it’s far too late by then. Your God will not save you from Cosmo Kramer you poor bastards.

This just goes back to my old adage, something momma taught me so many years ago “If you’re given crazy millions for a sitcom that’s gone, and then you’ve got about five more decades to bum around, you are in for one hell of a non-fun time.”

David Schwimmer, beware.

Team Karen or Team Pam?

Monday, November 20th, 2006


I am obsessed with “The Office.” Best Week Ever has a great recap of last week’s episode. In it, they bring up the point that they are actually Team Karen. After months of wanting Pam and Jim to get together, I also think that Jim and Karen are a cute new couple. She really likes him, and Pam did miss the boat on that one. To show your support you can buy t-shirts that say “Team Karen” or “Team Pam” here.

The Internet is full of debate on this very important Office issue. I really think “The Office” is the best show on television and now it is getting really interesting.

For our readers who are big Office fans please leave your thoughts on this important national issue below.

God Help Us All

Monday, November 20th, 2006

It’s like the perfect storm.

[At the Wynn hotel in Las Vegas]

Monday Morning Music

Monday, November 20th, 2006

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H4rCfRDyZFQ]
Here is my new favorite artist. His name is Mickey Avalon. I saw him in San Diego when he performed at Aubergine. He is a punk rapper from the mean streets of LA. Essentially, America’s Pete Doherty. He likes to rap about his penis, drugs and his skills in the bedroom. He has quite a past working as a male prostitute so his angst is legit. Take the Federline. I wouldn’t do him but he has quite the female fan base. Lyrically I think he is quite fun and “Jane Fonda” is my new favorite booty shaking song.

American Idol Oscar Talk?

Monday, November 20th, 2006


In my alternate life I am a really big-time movie reviewer, think Ebert without an alarming predilection towards a coronary. Anyway, in this lofty position I get to screen movies before the general public and I recently caught Dreamgirls. I won’t really get into the movie other than to say it’s really, really good, and this is coming from a guy who would rather not see movies that fall anywhere near the “musical” category.

What I do want to mention is that there is now officially a buzz around former Idol contestant Jennifer Hudson, she plays one the main characters in Dreamgirls. This is buzz (and it’s now industry buzz, not just “me” buzz) in the sense that she’s locked and loaded for at least an Oscar nomination and most likely will enter the award show season as the prohibitive favorite. Normally I would make some snarky comment here but she’s deserving in this case. So deserving in fact that after I was reminded she’d been on American Idol I did one of those cartoon like shaking of head, eye bulging moves. She was so effective that I completely blanked on her Idol performance, those two performances had about as much in common as the Dalai Lama and an actual llama (the llama in this case being American Idol).

And I now return you to snarkiness as I point out that the fact that Justin “don’t call me pepperoncini” Guarini didn’t get the first Idol Oscar nomination is shocking, absolutely shocking.

Curses. After that I feel so guilty that I’m compelled to put in a link to Justin’s official site.

Cleaning up the Weekend

Monday, November 20th, 2006

Britney Spears and her new extensions score with the Vegas casinos and possibly Mario Lopez. Some other bloggers may refer to Lopez as a star of Saved by the Bell and, more recently, Dancing with the Stars. I will, now and always, refer to him as the jackass who married the Doritos girl and then cheated on her three days after the wedding. Come on, Brit. You can do better. [Faded Youth]

Kimberley Stewart denies having a liver disease, agrees with me that her father crossed the line by a good solid mile. “I love my dad but sometimes he has a big mouth, and not just when he’s singing. I don’t have a liver disease.” [Celebrity Smack]

Why bother getting raped when you can just pay to have sex with Mike Tyson? Heidi Fleiss says she has hired the boxer as an “employee” of her planned Nevada brothel for female clientele. [Tabloid Whore]

I know I give her a hard time, but I’ll be honest: Katharine McPhee looks killer in these recent photo shoots. [Pop on the Pop]

Okay, it’s over. I have been putting off saying this for a really long time — even though I saw it coming — because it’s saddening to me, and it feels like the end of a truly glorious era. But it’s happened, and there’s no more denying it: Pamela Anderson looks old. [Teddy and Moo]

TomKat Wedding Video

Monday, November 20th, 2006

This is so weird I had to post it. This will be the only time I speak of this sham marriage. We have lost Joey Potter forever. I wonder what Dawson thinks about all of this.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2TAAZB_aHuM]

Enjoy!

Bad Boy!

Monday, November 20th, 2006

So this is a pic o’ the Bachelor, Lorenzo. He is chatting with an unidentified female companion. Now, my picture of them making out was too dark which makes me sad. Please take my word for this. I’m guessing his relationship with his bachelorette is over. Why do they still have this show on the air. It doesn’t really work…ever.

If I can photoshop up my darker pic I’ll post it.

Enjoy. The T is back in NYC so I’ll hopefully get a good scoop out of “contacts” here.

The TomKat Wedding: It’s Finally Over!

Monday, November 20th, 2006

Well, those two crazy kids actually went and got themselves married. This Saturday, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes were joined in holy matrimony at Odescalchi Castle outside of Rome. There were over 150 guests in attendance, including Victoria Beckham, Brooke Shields, Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony, Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith, and Jenny McCarthy and Jim Carrey.

Katie’s father escorted her down the aisle, and the ceremony was performed at sunset by a Scientology minister (read about traditional Scientology wedding vows here). The wedding party included Cruise’s children, Isabella and Connor, and the best man was Cruise’s best friend, David Miscavige, who also happens to be the head of the Church of Scientology. Katie’s sister, Nancy Blaylock, was her matron of honor. The wedding singer was Matt Lauer. Nah, I’m kidding, it was Andrea Bocelli. I hear there was a light drizzle at the start of the ceremony, but then things cleared up for the couple.

Since I honestly don’t understand enough of these words to paraphrase the description of what Katie wore, I am going to jack it, word for tedious word, from Us Weekly: “Katie wore a fitted Armani off-the-shoulder bridal gown with a train in ivory silk cadis adorned in Valenciennes lace and Swarovski beaded crystal embroidery, featuring a delicate crinoline frill at the shoulders and a silk soleil border around the hem. The gown was complemented by an ivory tulle floor length veil and ivory silk shoes.” If this sounds more like a recipe for a wedding cake to you, too, just check out the pics. For the rest of you fashionistas, People has a run-down of what the entire wedding party wore (summary: everyone’s in Armani). Need more pictures? TMZ has one billion, and Teddy and Moo has the rest.

Tom and Katie left early the next morning for their honeymoon in the Maldives. Where are the Maldives? Apparently they’re an island nation south-west of Sri Lanka. Where is Sri Lanka? Now you’re on your own.

The Bachelor Spotted!

Sunday, November 19th, 2006

Ok, so this is a bit redundant but last night I spotted the Bachelor Prince Lorenzo Borghese with a woman who was definitely Sadie or Jennifer, the women that he is choosing between tomororw night. These things never work out but I know that he is supposed to pretend to date her for a few months at least, or at least until the show is over. I have photos of him and a mystery blond canoodling which will be up tomorrow and T got a little drunk last night.

Isaiah Washington Speaks!

Sunday, November 19th, 2006


Did anyone catch Friday’s Oprah? I’m just now watching it on my TiVo (keep your jokes to yourself, assholes), and she’s interviewing the whole cast of Grey’s Anatomy. She asks Isaiah Washington about the Burkegate scandal last month, and here’s what the cast had to say:

Isaiah: I really honestly think that, for me, it was a combination of fatigue, pride, passion and — I’ve been working with these beautiful men for three years now, and we had an argument as brothers. It came about in a time and a place that was overwhelming for both of us.

Oprah: Was it an argument, or a fight?

Isaiah: No, it was not a brawl, fisticuffs and all that stuff, no, no, it was not, it was not.

TR Knight: And thing is, we’ve been together three years, and you form a — for lack of a better word — a kind of family and so we’re gonna argue. The hours are fifteen hour days, and now we’re working a lot of weekends, and, so, it’s gonna happen, but I think the strength of our cast is, like, how we handle it, so we don’t, like, deny it.

Oprah: (to Isaiah) I heard you did a public statement saying that your behavior was below your personal standards. So you still feel that way?

Isaiah: I feel that the actions that I’ve had an opportunity over the last four weeks to get some serious self-examination about my part in the argument.

Oprah: So you basically lost your temper, right?

Isaiah: Yeah, I lost my cool, but it wasn’t coming out of a place of “animice” (ed: I, um, think he means either “animosity” or “malice.” So he decided to just combine them. English is neat like that.) for Patrick or TR or anyone, it was coming out of a place of trying to stay focused about the work, and the one thing I understand about myself and my passion about everything I do is that the opposite of love is indifference.

Oprah: Elie Weisel says that all the time. (ed: uuuuuugh)

Isaiah: Absolutely. (ed: uuuuuuuuuuuuugh) And if I will ever become indifferent to this man (gestures to Dempsey), this man (gestures to Knight) or this show, anything, there wouldn’t be anything for me to argue about, there wouldn’t be anything for me to care about. And I really feel that, out of that caring, we got ourselves into a debate that had to happen, and it happened at that point, it happened at that time, and as a matter of fact, I realized I have more in common than this man (gestures to Dempsey) than I ever thought in terms of clothes, cars. I don’t have his hair.

Dempsey: I think we’ve all really learned a lot from this experience, and I think we’re all much tighter because of it, because I think what happens is we just needed to be open and to be able to communicate and not let things build up, and I think we’ve come to that point where we’re like “Okay, it’s much freer to communicate with each other” and we’re more relaxed with each other because of it. And I think the whole company’s tighter because of that. (goes on to talk about how James Pickens, Jr, aka Chief Webber, put them all in a room to talk about it.)

Pickens: I was like the hall monitor … We’re a family. We spend more time together than we do with our families, and, in families, you have a beef. (Goes onto talk about how the media built it up way too much. )

Isaiah: Apologies were made to each other … and we went back to work.

The First TomKat Wedding Photos

Saturday, November 18th, 2006

These are shots of the guests leaving their hotel to catch shuttles to the actual wedding site.

Victoria Beckham has apparently decided to skip the Cruise/Holmes vows altogether, opting instead to attend some manner of funeral being held by the cast of Melrose Place.

To celebrate Cruise’s virility, Jennifer Lopez has dressed as a penis.

More later…

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