Things that happened today without any involvement on the part of Britney Spears’ vagina:

American Idol fourth-placer Chris Daughtrey’s album debuts at #2 on the U.S. charts. [Perez Hilton]

Check out Beyonce’s new video for “Listen,” from the Dreamgirls soundtrack. [popbytes]

Kevin Federline has a thing for women who like the whole world to see their naughty bits. Isn’t that right, Kendra Jade? [Pop on the Pop]

Josh Hartnett’s mystery girl revealed: she’s Amber Sainsbury, who did some show called Hex for 11 episodes in 2004 and is currently co-starring with Hartnett in 30 Days of Night. Also: she’s not as pretty as Josh, which is how I reckon he prefers it. [BWE]

Nick Lachey bought a minor-league baseball team this week. What did you do? [ICYDK]

Matt Lauer named his newborn son Thijs. Pronounced “Tice.” I am supposed to say something mean here (preferably referencing the unfortunately named Paltrow offspring) but I have a fabulous friend at school named Tejs (pronounced similarly), so out of respect for the fact that he did my finance homework all quarter, I just have this to say: Way to name a kid, Lauer! [Cele|Bitchy]

Here is the weirdest interview I’ve seen in a while on daytime.

Click here to see Danny Devito sit on Rosie’s lap like the little elf he is. I guess he also doesn’t like George Bush. But really, who does these days?

Update: What I forgot to mention is that he is wasted. Perez has a funny take on Devito’s rantings. Why is it funnier when a little person is drunk?

Is there trouble is Paris-dise for Britney Spears? After being total BFF for a full five days (which may be some sort of record for Paris), the two were partying separately last night, with Britney treating the world to another unrequested glimpse of her hoo-hoo at a Malibu gas station (class-ay), and Paris hitting up a Volkswagen rager with Nicole Richie.

On Monday, Paris said about Britney, “I love her. She is the sweetest girl I know. She’s so down-to-earth. I just want her to smile and be happy.” Fox had hoped to ride along on their publicity train (and Paris owes them big time, after her feud with Richie cost them a final season of The Simple Life), planning to have Spears and Hilton co-host the Fox Billboard Music Awards, scheduled to air December 4. Page Six referred to the dual hosts as a “black hole of stupidity.” But, alas, Las Vegas may be spared the stunning gravitational implosion of dumb, as Britney pulled out of negotiations at the eleventh hour, failing to give a reason.

Things have not been looking good for Miss Britney lately. After the entire nation acted as her cheering squad when she filed for divorce from Kevin Federline, Brit has squandered nearly all that goodwill in just a few short weeks with an undending series of drunken evenings, allowing the paparazzi to get candids of her lady parts three times in one week, and missing scheduled recording sessions.

The Billboard Awards may have Hilton host solo, or may ask comedian Brad Garrett to take on the challenge.

I used to live in Virginia, pretty close to the PETA HQ. I found them to be kind of freaky, because frankly I find zealots of every stripe to be kind of freaky. Plus my blood thirsty desire for filet mignon was in direct opposition to their desire for me to subsist on a diet of sorghum and wheat germ. So I figured we’d agree to disagree there.

But now they are going after an issue close to Beet territory, women, and the clothing of said women. They’ve named their worst dressed list, and of course it’s all about who is wearing fur. Four ladies take the bullet: Nicole Richie, Ashley Olsen, Christina Ricci, and Eva Longoria. All are chastised for being uncaring little animal killers.

I guess the thing that bothers me is trying to dictate others behavior due to your own personal beliefs. There are things I do that I simply wouldn’t expect of others. For instance, if a spider is in my home I do my best to a) ignore it or b) place it gently outside my home. This is simply because spiders kill other insects which I may like even worse. Now I know some people hate spiders and immediately throw a hardcover book on them. I’m totally cool with that, live and let die and all that. So I just feel like if I say “Ok, don’t kill the Minks” (who are, it must be said, vicious little animals) then next people will be trying to take my Mountain Dew Code Red Extreme SportZ Edition because it’s too eXtreme or sporty for their liking. You get my point, and that’s why I’m calling PETA dumb here.

EvilB or EviltT, if you’d like to tell me why fur is murder and perhaps do the whole “I’d rather be naked thing” I will watch respectfully, promise.

Okay, I’ll bite, an explanation for why good ol’ Linday is care free when it comes to her naughty bits. Quoth the LL:

“I don’t want to put myself in the position where I’m in a monogamous relationship right now. I’m not dating just one person. Sex and the City changed everything for me because those girls would sleep with so many people.”

Huh. I guess we can all be glad for entertainment’s sake that she didn’t watch Jeopardy growing up.

Still, I look at that photo and remember fondly the days when I found fire bottom to be super foxy. I want those days back. I want my innocence back.

Via Page Six this morning,

“In a move that may cause a black hole of stupidity to implode in the middle of Las Vegas, Britney Spears and Paris Hilton have been tapped to co-host the Billboard Music Awards at the MGM Grand Monday. The two “flashionistas” - who have recently given glimpses of their bare, well-groomed nether regions as they hang out with pal Lindsay Lohan - won’t perform any musical numbers.”

Some journalist was getting creative this morning. I love, that in the world of gossip news, “black hole of stupidity” is an acceptable phrase. Also…”flashonistas?”…brilliant! I do believe that this is the signal of the end of Britney’s “comeback.” Paris Hilton will get you in the papers but for all the wrong reasons. And by all the wrong reasons, I mean , vagina.

Just got through watching Monday night’s episode on my TiVo. For all the shit I give Sorkin for the sketches not being funny (they’re still not), the rest of the show is so, so wonderful. It’s not quite the early seasons of The West Wing, but it’s the closest thing that’s been on television since. If you’re not tuning in, you should be. Some observations from tonight:

a) Jordan McDeere is my love.
2) Martha O’Dell is totally Maureen Dowd (who is also my love).

That is all.