Tobey Maguire and girlfriend, Irrelevant McNotfamous, welcome a baby girl. [Hollyscoop]

Joley Richardson quits Nip/Tuck. She’s hoping to be cast in a show with more plausible plotlines, possibly something involving giant, mutant, hermaphoditic aphids who eat Koreans and occasionally find themselves in awkward love triangles including the wife of their college roommate. [HGW]

Beyonce and Eva Longoria will be getting all lesbo on the big screen. Where will you be, Paul Reuebens? [Bossip]

Someone asked me the other day how Kate Moss is still so employable, even after the whole cocaine scandal. This is a link to a black-and-white video of Kate Moss, wearing lingerie and saying quiet, mysterious things. More of you will click on this link than any other in this group, probably by a factor of three. And that, my friends, is how Kate Moss is still so employable, even after the whole cocaine scandal. [Agent Bedhead]

In a shocking twist to the Kevin Federline saga, he demands Grey Goose in his dressing room. Check out the rest of the hospitality rider. [CelebSlam]

If Brad Pitt smokes, it must be cool. [Teddy and Moo]

Actor Jack Palance dies. [Hollyweird Gazette]

“I love all men equally, no matter their financial situation. At the end of the day, however, if you want to enter a serious relationship, I think it’s very important that your special someone has his finances under control. Otherwise, how can you even contemplate a future with him?” -Ivanka Trump to Stuff Magazine

I’m seriously not judging Miss Trump here. More rich ladies need to be wary of those men out there looking for a sugar mama. Go girl, let Miss Spears be a cautionary tale.

Thanks to a great gossip whore Liz Smith for this great quote.

From the hot boys over at The Pen15 Club:

“Having Nancy Pelosi as Speaker of the House is going to have the same impact on Congress that Heather Locklear’s addition did to Melrose Place.”

Two John Does are suing 20th Century Fox and One America Productions, claiming members of their fraternity were used in the Borat movie (no, I’m not typing out the whole title), after they were assured the film would not be shown in the United States and that their identities would not be revealed.

According to TMZ (where you can find the court papers), the “movie features a scene in a motor home where Cohen gets drunk with three frat boys who go on a racist rant about how they wished they had slaves and how minorities in the United States ‘have all the power.’” The boys were paid $200 for their appearance. The suit asks for unspecified damages. The guys did sign releases to appear in the movie, but they claim they were signed “after heavy drinking.”

So, to recap, two frat boys got wasted, did and said some very ignorant and disturbing things, and it was all caught on tape. Surprise!!! This reminds me of the time that a porn crew decided on a whim to film in a frat house at my undergrad university, and the executive vice president of the student body became a minor porn star overnight. It was awesome. He had to write an apology letter to the student body. It ran in our paper. Amazing.

And, with that, I’ve met my Borat-related posting quota for the year. Evil Beet out.

I guess this was a “thing” during the 90s. Now the British are catching on. And making fun of us for it. Gosh what will they make fun of next? Slap bracelets?

I feel a bit bad for not digging deeper into the fashion disasters that were this week. I simply couldn’t top this pic of Kat McPhee that GoFugYourself
brilliantly found. American Idol kids go to great lengths to keep themselves in the public eye and Fashion disasters are not uncommon but there is something really bizarre about this top.

It is looking at you. Focus closely. Her top is alive.

For those of you who were losing sleep over the threat of being denied your weekly supply of rhythmic Sorkin repartee (wow, that sounds kind of dirty, like something Maureen Dowd might be able to tell us more about), Studio 60 has been picked up for nine more episodes.

Picked up for nine more episodes? You know who else was picked up for nine more episodes? Boticelli. They didn’t understand him then, either, and ninety-three percent of the country will tell you you should not — you should not — use Colgate in combination with Vicodin — they say that, you know, did you know that? — but somehow eighty-two percent of the country thinks Boticelli is an overrated flavor of Ben & Jerry’s and what this tells me, Jack, what is crystal clear to me now is that Ted Danson and Senator Jon Kyl and the cast of television’s Thirtysomething are in my goddamn jacuzzi because Walt Whitman didn’t know Leaves of Grass from a quick gummer on the deck of a yacht anchored in the Canary Islands. So you can take that 1985 purple Swatch and throw it overboard for Darwin to add to his collection, and you call me when, and only when, it is firmly on his goddamn well-evolved wrist.

Phew. Wow. I feel better already.