In today’s episode of the Anna Nicole is Functionally Retarded Show, we learn that Anna previously tried to convince a wealthy paramour, G. Ben Thompson, that he was the father of her newborn girl. The only hitch in the plan? Thompson had a vasectomy years earlier. Has anybody explained to this woman that there are magical science machines that can determine definitively who a child’s father is? [Fametastic]

Isaiah Washington was supposed to appear on Ellen Wednesday to clear up the allegations that he’s a violent, homophobic jackass, but he canceled at the last minute, citing a change in production schedule. Grey’s less controversial star Katherine Heigl was sent in to diffuse the situation instead. [Seriously? OMG! WTF?]

Not to be outdone by TMZ’s scoop on his birth certificate, X17’s crew hid in the bushes outside the Spears-Federline household for an unspecified amount of time, and now they have video of Jayden James Federline. [CelebSlam]

Entourage creator Doug Ellin has a similarly styled show about Wall Street types in the works. Because i-bankers really are like the movie stars of the east coast, just a little more self-centered and detached from reality. [BankersBall]

Not only has Lindsay Lohan heard of Dick Van Dyke, she also doesn’t think he did a very good job with that whole Mary Poppins project. [Hollywood Gossip Whores]

Pay attention, because I will probably never write these words again, but Paris Hilton actually looks really good in French Vogue. [Teddy and Moo]

Lest you think I have any shame, here are pictures of Jake Gyllenhaal’s man loaf. Don’t worry, he’s wearing pants. He just should have also worn underwear. [A Socialite's Life]

Ever want to know more about the music you hear on television and movies? Drake Lelane’s blog covers the soundtrack of your life (because, if you’re like me, television and movies are your life). Check out what you heard on last week’s Grey’s Anatomy. [thus spake drake]

To get over your hump day at work, here are some interesting links from the world of fashion.

If you didn’t think it was sexy for a man to carry a purse, enter the “murse,” which is sweeping the “metrosexual” market. [AOL News]

If you want to support the J.Lo juggernaut of casual wear domination, check out her cute new line of sandals. They are all under $100 and you too can rock it like Jenny from the block. [Sandal Showcase]

Hermes proves that even the French have a sense of humor. [Counterfeit Chic]

You getting married anytime soon? Daily Candy has some cute ideas to make your wedding much cuter than TomKat’s! [Daily Candy]

Wanna look fashion forward without breaking the bank? Check out [Frugal Fashionista]

Enjoy!

Even in death celebrities can make money. In celebration of Halloween approaching in one week, I thought I would review a little article from Forbes Magazine that profiles The Top Earning Dead Celebrities. Once a celebrity is no longer with us, his or her estate can earn millions of dollars through song licensing, DVD release or simply being an icon.

Here are a few interesting examples of rich dead people:

Kurt Cobain- In death he became a cultural icon and this year made $50 million dollars through the sale of part of his catolog. So now we can hear Nirvana songs selling cars, soda, etc… way to sell out, Courtney Love.

Elvis- The King will always be a cash cow, even in death. This year he made $42 million dollars through merchandise and a new boxed set of his hits.

Charles M. Schulz- Snoopy will always make money through syndication of his cartoons and products based on his famous characters. Urban Outfitters is coming out with a line of Peanuts t-shirts and these add up to the $35 million dollar gross he had this year.

Marilyn Monroe- The only woman on this list, she made $8 million dollars this year in death. Her image is used to sell Dom Perignon, Absolut and cars from GM. A European company is also developing a “Marilyn” perfume.

So artists aren’t the only people that can rake up million in death. Happy almost Halloween.

Britney baby mystery solved! TMZ got ahold of the kid’s birth certificate, which indicates that Britney birthed a male named Jayden James Federline.

My favorite part of all this? Kevin’s middle name is Earl. And, when asked to sign the document, he printed his name. Oh, well. At least he spelled it right. Small favors, right?

Tom and Katie’s rep have now confirmed that their wedding will be November 18th in Italy. I’m glad for Katie since she already got brainwashed and knocked up in the course of a year while waiting in vain for her big wedding. They have been engaged since June 2005, so this wedding has been “in the works” for some time. I wish them well even though I find Tom Cruise super creepy.

I wonder if the guests will dress as aliens? Seriously if anyone knows what a Scientology wedding entails please shoot me an email.

You can get Paris Hilton for $100,000 plus a private jet or Carmen Electra for the bargain price of $50,000. Paris Hilton and Carmen Electra’s people have been snooping around looking for hot parties for these “stars” to show up at. They are looking for venues in Miami, New York or Los Angeles. I’m not sure what this really includes. Do you get a free lapdance? Will they wow the crowd with their musical talents?

I really would go with Carmen because Paris doesn’t have a very good track record for showing up to events. When they opened Club Paris in Ontario she was 6 hours late to the party. 6 hours late? Carmen seems like more fun anyway. Part of me really hopes that one of them ends up at a New Year’s Eve Bar Mitzvah.

That’s hot.