Dude, Naomi, mellow out a little. Light up a joint, cut a line, just relax. Supermodel Campbell is arrested — again — for assault, this time for scratching up the face of her drug counselor. [Staralicious]

A run-down of your favorite TV show theme songs, complete with video clips. You don’t know how wonderful it is to listen to the 90210 theme over and over again until you’ve tried it. [Pajiba]

I think Howard K. Stern paid this woman to file court papers claiming she’s the real mother of Michael Jackson’s children, because she makes Anna Nicole look like Isaac Asimov. [Glitterati]

In case your TiVo malfunctioned, Hollyscoop has a good summary of Madonna’s Oprah interview. [Hollyscoop]

Cute new pics of Madonna adoptee David Ritchie (nee Banda). [Just Jared]

A game of mad libs as played by Rachel Zoe and Wes Anderson, respectively. [The Gilded Moose]

America loves Karen Walker. Megan Mullally? Not so much. [Jossip]

Heather Mills isn’t really winning over people’s hearts in the UK. According to this article in the Sun Online “Mucca is a bloody LIAR,” the press in Britian is attempting to expose Heather’s claims that Paul beat and humiliated her as false.

They also go through various statements that Heather has made in the past to expose her as a liar.

Here’s a smattering of lies that they have caught her in:

LIE: Heather told Sir Paul she had only been a topless model. In June we revealed she was snapped in a string of pornographic poses for a German sex manual.

LIE: Lady Mucca frantically denied working as a prostitute. But in July it emerged she was a £5,000-a-night hooker whose clients including arms dealer Adnan Khashoggi and an Arab prince.

This is keeps getting dirtier and dirtier. I guess the UK hasn’t had a good scandal in a while. Battling one of the of the most popular figures in Britian in the press isn’t the best idea. It is kind of like getting the people to hate Prince William. You are not going to get them on your side no matter how hard you try. You can cry cry cry that you got one leg but unless you wrote a bunch of popular songs that changed the face of British music, we don’t care much.

For another interesting article on the uphill battle Heather must face in the hearts and minds of the British people check out [Hollywood Gossip Whores]

Thanks [Perez Hilton] for the article link.

Two celeb apologies in one day! Isaiah Washington’s very sorry his homophobic, violent nature continues to leak to the press, while Paris Hilton sincerely regrets getting caught driving drunk. [Hollyscoop and PopSugar]

Every. Single. Episode. Of The Office. Online. Right now. [TVLinks]

An (undergraduate) degree from Wharton and a boob job? Ivanka Trump is totally her father’s fantasy woman. [MollyGood]

ANTM winner Eva Pigford prepares to host My Model Looks Better than Your Model, a new fashion-centric show on BET. It premieres November 1. [Vibe and Bossip]

Jason Priestley signs on to star in a pilot for Lifetime. As sad as that is, Luke Perry’s got The Sandlot 3 on his agenda for next year. Ian Ziering? Voice work for Biker Mice from Mars. So, um, way to go, Jason! [I'm Not Obsessed]

If you haven’t really been following the epic battle of Rush Limbaugh vs. Michael J. Fox (Limbaugh thinks Fox is faking the symptoms of Parkinsons disease to promote a political candidate, Fox is, um, promoting a political candidate), let Gawker catch you up. [Gawker]

If Kate Moss is really pregnant, she may want to stop guzzling champagne. Unless a thin coat of alcohol could actually help shield the baby from the cocaine. [BWE]

Josh Hartnett’s really peeved about having to bang the Sexiest Woman Alive. [Star]

Thanks to a recent commenter for pointing us toward this video. Someone snuck a camera into a screening of this Scientology orientation video, so you too can get a 36-minute introduction to the religion Katie Holmes is marrying into.

Evil T wondered what their wedding would be like. I’m not sure, but around 23:50 there’s a church scene. It’s a “Christening,” and I’m pretty sure there’s a big ole’ cross behind the minister. See, guys? Scientology is just like that Christianity you know and love, except with more aliens and intergalactic warfare.

Even if you don’t watch the whole thing, please check out the end, starting around 32:30, where you’re warned that you have the opportunity — right now — to determine the course of the “your next trillion years.” You can choose Scientology, or you can choose agony and despair. For a trillion years, people. “I’m sorry,” says the host, “but that’s the way it really is.”

Anyway, if you’re gonna watch it, watch it today, before I get the cease and desist letter.

I normally don’t watch the Real Wold/Road Rules Battle Challenge series anymore. It has gotten to the point where they are just screaming at each other talking about strategy. Strategy? Please. This show used to be funny because people would do stupid challenges, get drunk and hook up with each other. Lately they have become a bit self-important. I miss The Miz and Ruthie.

I guess they added a few new people to the mix in the last “Fresh Meat” installment of the series so I was fully confused the first episode this season I tried to watch. I was about to switch off the show until I saw a girl named Diem. This slight, pretty girl was fretting about having a wig because she had recently gone through chemo because of ovarian cancer. I was compelled to learn more about Diem and I found a a great article on Glamour’s website.

I was shocked to learn that this beautiful woman, at 25, was the age of me and my friends. I couldn’t imagine going through all of that in front of a national audience and she did it twice: first on the “Fresh Meat” challenge and now on the “Duel”. She gives this season a good story outside of the usual “watch reality stars mate in captivity”. If you need an MTV fix, check it out and root for her all the way. I can’t think of anyone else more deserving of a $150,000 prize.