Get the uncensored version here. See what happens when you try to have the ‘razzi charged with assualt, Cam? YOUR TIT ENDS UP ON THE INTERNET. Did you learn your lesson?

I was so excited to run this with the headline “George Michael’s Double Whammy,” but E! Online got to it first. Damn.

I’d rather not be so harsh as to say “George Michael was found intoxicated and passed out at the wheel of his car for the second time in eight months.” Instead, let’s look at it as “George Michael was found intoxicated and passed out at the wheel of his car for the first time since February!” Because eight months is an admirable length of time to stay conscious at the wheel when you drink and drive like he does. Michael was arrested early Sunday morning in London on suspicion of drug possession, after being awoken, of course.

His partner, Kenny Goss, said “He’s fine and I’ve got him a McDonalds,” from which we can conclude only that Goss himself was still drunk at the time of the interview. Best of luck to Michael and Goss, and to the entire city of London. And, E! Online, I call dibs on the “Triple Whammy” headline in May.

(Hey Tiffy — it’s not quite the coke arrest we were hoping for, but I think we can say our prayers were answered.)

Ugh.

Please, people, for the love of all that’s holy, watch House of Carters. Because he’s not going to stop until you do. And if we have to find out that he made a sex tape involving mice in condoms and Liza Minnelli, no one wins.

• Eva Longoria and Tony Parker split, Amanda Peet makes that baby legit.
• Jessica Simpson has reached that really unattractive point of depression-induced apathy. It’s a beautiful thing to behold.
• Drunk much, Beyonce?
• Pamela Anderson’s nipple has Hep C.

But I’m still holding out for an apology for her first two albums.

Make the absurd statement that it could have saved Natalee Holloway’s life.