Josh Duhamel and Ashton Kutcher go all Zoolander in this 1997 footage of the two at the Male Model of the Year competition (yeah, it really happens). Duhamel wins, and interviews that “the guy — I forget his name — from Iowa, he was exceptional.” The guy he’s talking about is, of course, Ashton Kutcher (who introduces himself as “Chris Kutcher”).

Not one but two models ate shit on the runway at Paris Fashion Week. Luckily, CBS News consolidated the videos of the two into a single clip for you to laugh at. Not fierce, girls, not fierce at all.

Below is a clip of Rosie O’Donnell and Dr. Christian Troy having sex on Nip/Tuck. View at your own risk.

• Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston broke up over the phone.
• Madonna selects an African child to adopt with the same obsessive attention to detail and God complex that make her live performances such extraordinary spectacles.

• Mischa Barton and Nicole Richie are dunzo. Barton says Richie’s “fickle,” by which she of course means “starving.”

• Having properly atoned for a year of sins on Yom Kippur, Mel Gibson’s drinking again.
• Ashlee Simpson denies hooking up with Nick Carter while he was with Paris Hilton, using her own special brand of eloquence: “No! That is so random. When I heard that, I was dying laughing.”

Paris Hilton is becoming something of a fixture at Hollywood Station. For the second time in as many months, the heiress made a late-night stop to the Los Angeles police station. This time, however, she was there voluntarily (her last visit was the result of a DUI) — Hilton filed a report against Shanna Moakler, alleging that the former Miss USA (and estranged wife of Paris’s latest boy toy, Travis Barker), punched her in the jaw at Hyde. (Paris’s precious jaw, for the record, looks a-okay in the video).

Moakler also made a trip to the station, alleging that Paris’s friend (and former flame) Stavros Niarchos poured a drink over her head at the club.

That’s right, folks. He allegedly poured a drink over her head. Niarchos’s family, for the record, is worth around $7.5 billion. Billion with a B. And he poured a drink over Miss USA’s head. I’ll give that some time to sit.

Remember when you actually had to be home during the day to watch soap operas unfold?

It turns out they’re just not very smart! Just what we’d suspected all along. Thank you to Salon for putting it so eloquently:

So what explains Cook’s popularity? His comedy is most notable for what it lacks: a critique of the political climate (Dennis Miller, George Carlin, Jon Stewart, Bill Maher), a commentary on our culture (Chris Rock, David Chappelle), a slightly tweaked perspective (Ray Romano, Steven Wright, Jerry Seinfeld), outrageously dirty material (Eddie Murphy, Andrew Dice Clay), or just a goofy, oddball routine (Howie Mandel). Although his delivery can be chafingly smug, Cook doesn’t present himself as anything special. He likes video games and chicks and sports and other general-purpose guy stuff. He’s not particularly baffled by the world, or all that perceptive, or all that self-aware. He’s a little self-deprecating, a little bit cutesy and a little bit aggressive, but most important, he treats mundane experiences like they’re huge revelations: Breakup sex is the best, right? Right! Sometimes you have to lie to get out of stuff you don’t want to do. I know you’ve done it, too, bro!

Even Cook’s delivery isn’t noteworthy or unique; he sprinkles “bro” and “dude” into every story, he’s terrible at impressions and when he’s imitating a woman, he inexplicably speaks in a high voice with a lisp, as if he’s doing a homophobic imitation of a gay man.

But Cook’s is the sort of non-threatening humor that appeals to people who, when watching Jon Stewart or Jerry Seinfeld, don’t feel like they’re in on the joke. With Cook, you’re always in on the joke. Even if you’ve never been in a bad relationship or had breakup sex, you can just flash that “SuFi” and you’re part of the club.

Read the rest of the article here. [via thisisnotreallyablogforreal]

Special note to Dane: This totally doesn’t mean I wouldn’t sleep with you. You can spend the whole time talking about how sometimes you just want to be on the bottom and let the girl do all the work. Ha!

• Is Ivanka Trump dating Lance Armstong? Probably not, but there’s video of her refusing to answer questions about him, which is kind of like dating, right?
• Were you totally psyched for the remake of Revenge of the Nerds? Don’t be. They cast Kristin Cavallari in it. Bitch ruins everything.
• Britney Spears wants Annie Leibovitz to handle the publicity photos of her latest emotional crutch, Sutton Pierce.
• People who can’t get into Hyde this week: Brandon Davis, Chyna, you.
• ScoJo totally had a nose job.
• It’s official. The Tori Spelling demon spawn is en route. Quick! To the storm shelters!
• Shocker of shockers! Mel Gibson’s post-arrest anti-Semitic comments were not an isolated incident.
• 90210’s Jennie Garth pops out another adorable kid.