LA-based Kim Kline rocks out on her first single, “Inside.” It’s definitely chick rock, but it’s catchy. Her manager sent me her publicity package, and I dutifully went to check out the single, fully expecting to be utterly bored and unimpressed, as I typically am with new artist packages, but I found myself listening to her single over and over again. She’s not breaking new musical ground or anything, but the song’s relatable with a fabulous hook. Oh, and she’s real purty. You’ll be hearing it on the radio soon enough. Check it out here.

I’m no expert on Jesus, Mr. Stapp, but, from what I’ve been told, he wasn’t real big on gambling, drinking to excess, or announcing that Dave Grohl has a tiny penis on television. But I suppose you’d know better than I.

[via SorryIGotDrunk]

Either that or she never knows when she’ll need pepper flakes.

[via Horny Oyster]

• Jamie Lee Curtis decides she’s “not an actor anymore,” about 10 years after the rest of the country made up their minds on the issue.

• Gee, Pete Doherty, you really don’t figure touring with your band is the best way to stay sober straight out of rehab? Really?

• Candy Spelling wants you to think she has feelings just like normal people, acts like she’s excited Tori’s pregnant.

• Am I the only one totally bothered by the fact that one of Shannon Doherty’s eyes is much, much higher up on her face than the other? You can tell even when she’s wearing sunglasses!

• So I haven’t really been linking to these pics all week, because they truly sadden me, and creep me out in a way I don’t really have words for. But I guess I have to be a true journalist and get the story to my audience. So check out the pictures of the Zombie Formerly Known as Katie Holmes, and her new BFF/cryptmate Posh Spice.

Jadakiss may have also been engaging in the abuse of illegal drugs at the time of the arrest.

In other news, a country singer somewhere has a bottle of whiskey, and he’s sad.

Despite her publicist’s insistence that she does not plan to adopt an AIDS-orphaned African child, Madonna continues her AIDS-orphaned African child sight-seeing tour in Malawi, which I’m told is kind of like an African safari, but, instead of admiring elephants and zebras and leaving them in peace in their natural habitat, you admire human children who have lost any remnant of hope for a life involving love and regular meals, briefly flash that hope in front of them, and then leave with it in a Hummer which, if sold only for parts, could feed and shelter each of them well into adolescence. It’s the next tourist hot spot! You heard it here first!

No, not the “it girl.” Just “that girl.” You know, the one who can’t walk out of the club using her own internal balancing skills, but rather must rely on those of the friends who are propping her up. Check out the video here.

What’s funniest to me is the running ‘razzi commentary. When you watch the videos of Paris or Lindsay, the photogs are always super nice: “Paris, watch out, there’s a puddle!” “Lindsay, hi, you look gorgeous, you look beautiful!” “Paris, how’s your jaw? Is your jaw okay, Paris? Your fans are so worried about you!”

With Avril, it’s just, “Come on, you drunk bitch!”

But I guess Paris has never spit on a photog.