I’ll admit I have a strange fondness for Tim Allen. I feel I have to explain this.

Long, long ago, I started a fledgling, vaguely celebrity-focused blog, which I would call The Evil Beet. I wasn’t entirely clear on the scope or the voice, and I’d grabbed a pre-fab pink and purple template from Blogger (in retrospect, it was awful, and I apologize to those of you who were readers back then), and I sat for hours deciding what my first entry would be.

Earlier in the day, a friend of mine, a writer for Nickelodeon, was scripting a show that had Tim Allen lined up as a guest that week. He was frantically scouring the Internet for information on Allen, trying to come up with fun, kid-friendly questions.

Out of a sheer desire to be helpful (read: utter boredom), I offered to help. In my own research, I stumbled upon the inimitable Tim Allen blog, and, specifically, his thoughts on capitalism. I also came across the little-known fact that Allen had been arrested in the 70s for — what else? — being so damn funny it was a crime! Nah, I’m just kidding, it was drug trafficking. My friend reluctantly informed me that neither of these finds would be of much use to him in the process of scripting a kid’s show, but they formed the basis for the very first entry in the Evil Beet blog.

So, thanks, Tim Allen, and best of luck in your marriage.

Where’s your God now, Joan of Arcadia?

Uncensored version after the jump.

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If you have a strange sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach about this, rest assured it’s warranted. Now that corporations have someone with assets to sue for the illegal duplication and distribution of their content, YouTube is going to be a lot less fun.

So enjoy the leaked clips of Kevin Federline on CSI while you still can.

Oh, wait, I’ve just received word that the other person in this photo is actually Nicole Richie.

What is it with the Courtney Love look lately? Courtney Love is the new black.

Anyway, X17’s got the celebutard reunion on tape.

Cuban dictator extraordinaire Fidel Castro was reported to have terminal cancer on Friday by Time.com. The impending death of the longtime Communist leader is an event with marked history-changing potential.

I heard about it today, Sunday, on PerezHilton.com, while searching for fresh dirt on Paris Hilton. And most of you will hear about it tomorrow, Monday, here on The Beet, while searching for fresh dirt on Paris Hilton.

Oh, come on, don’t pretend you already knew. Unless you read Perez’s blog first.

We are, truly, a generation to be reckoned with.

Update: North Korea has nukes, as of, like, an hour ago. Ha! I totally scooped you, Perez!