Yes, folks, it’s that time of year again! A male prostitute claims to have had a gay dalliance with Tom Cruise! And someone is using it to try to sell a book! Hollywood Interrupted was “leaked” a chapter. In it, “Big Red” talks about his sexual misadventures with Tom Cruise during the filming of Eyes Wide Shut, as well as his rendezvous with other big name stars. It’s definitely not a PG read, and it’s not in line to win either a Pulitzer or a spelling bee, but please, please try to hang in there until Red deftly compares anal intercourse with Garth Brooks to “fucking a whale.” Because, you know, how funny is that?

David Hasselhoff knows what it’s like to have his projects ignored. On June 17, 1994, the Baywatch and Knight Rider star aired a concert on pay-per-view from Atlantic City. The show was created to kick-start his singing career in the United States (he was already something of a sensation overseas). On the evening that it aired, a former NFL star by the name of O.J. Simpson led the LAPD on a slow-speed car chase on the 405. Most viewers chose to watch that, instead.

David Hasselhoff is not taking any such chances with the release of his autobiography, Making Waves. At the launch of his book last night, Hasselhoff chose to rely on locker-room talk about his relationship with none other than Princess Di. He claimed that Di was “smitten” with him and “sparks” flew between them when they met at a London charity event in 1993. Said the ‘Hoff:

I felt like she was a little girl caught up in this whirlwind. She was smitten with me since I was so tall. I was smitten with her since she was so tall. But she was married and so was I. I probably would have gone after her if circumstances had been different. In the end, I just wanted to be a friend and to hang out with her.

That’s right, dude. You so totally could have had Princess Di. She was totally into you, man. I mean, come on, you’re David Fucking Hasselhoff. From Baywatch. If Prince Charles hadn’t passed her that will-you-go-out-with-me note in Mr. Macker’s Brit Lit course, like, 5 minutes before you did, she would have been all over that shit, man.

It was generous of you to make sure she had the opportunity to tell her side of the story, too, Hoff. Smooth.

[via Junkiness]

• Jessica Simpson hits the street with her sister Ashlee. She’s put on a LOT of weight this year, and I think she’s trying to hide it with this black parachute of an outfit, but it really just draws attention to it. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: her stylists hate her.
• Whitney Houston confirms that she plans to divorce Bobby Brown. Their 14-year marriage survived the fact that they’re both egomaniacal crackheads, but it just couldn’t make it through a reality TV show. Will you people never learn? Reality TV kills marriages. Always.
• Paris Hilton is fucking Travis Barker for one reason and one reason alone: he is recently separated from the mother of his children and people will talk about it and her picture will be in all the papers. On most days, I find Paris amusingly self-absorbed and her antics voyeuristically engaging. With this, I just think she’s a piece of shit. It’s low even for her.
• The angry, lucrative buzz surrounding the upcoming season of Survivor: Racism has been more of a dull hum these past couple of days. But CBS was prepared for such a lull with its secret weapon — a CBS Corp. board member who is also the President of the NAACP. Wanna know what the NAACP thinks of Survivor: Racism today? Not such big fans. Go ahead, talk amongst yourselves. Call your mother. Write your senator. Blog about it. Buzzzzzz.