This woman looks strangely like Teri Hatcher. Taking a cue from Ryan Seacrest, are we, Matty?

[ICYDK has more of this charade]

The eight of you who followed the plot of Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest will be relieved to know the filming of the third edition is in full swing out here in Los Angeles. I’d typically make some reference now to the cliffhanger at the end of the last one, and how it will be duly resolved, but after the investment of three hours of my life that I will never get back, I have absolutely no idea what happened in that movie. There was a sword fight on some manner of wheel and a Johnny Depp character better suited to The Birdcage, but everything else went right past me. But since most of the known world saw it anyway, I can’t really blame Disney for trudging forward with another.

They’re filming the Black Pearl scenes right now off the coast of Palos Verdes (across from Joe’s Crab Shack for those of you who want to go a-stalkin’). A few of my more nautical cohorts went sailing out there this afternoon and sent me some photos of the crew setting up. They didn’t stick around for the actors to show, but they did get a shot of Depp’s yacht, which is where I imagine he meets up with Tim Burton for a little pitching and catching. If anyone’s got pics of filming with the actors, send ‘em to evilbeet@gmail.com, and I’ll give credit where credit is due.

• Americans nationwide unite for the single purpose of helping CBS generate buzz for its upcoming season of Survivor: Racism, and the ever-observant Rush Limbaugh just wants to do his part to help. From E! Online: Hispanics, he said, “have shown a remarkable ability to cross borders” and “will do things other people won’t do.” Asians, per Limbaugh, are “the best at espionage, keeping secrets.” Blacks “lack buoyancy” and are “more likely to drown,” while the white man’s burden will weigh down the last team with “guilt over the fact that they run things.” I hope someone has thought to award this man an honorary Ph.D.
• Douglas L. Hall has written a script for Angelina Jolie. Would you like to read it? Now you can, at www.myscriptforangelinajolie.com.
• Jesse McCartney would like to take back what he said about Jennifer Lopez. If only he could do the same thing for the entirety of Summerland.
• Check out this video of two Chinese students lip-syncing to Jessica Simpson’s “A Public Affair.” Pay special attention to the motionless kid in the background who quietly plays a first-person shooter game on his computer while his roommates sing their hearts out. Thanks to Anna for the link.

Just a few random clips I thought I’d leave for anyone who swings by this weekend.

Remember when Jessie Spano was abusing caffeine pills? Yes, you do. You reminisce about it at least once weekly with your friends. Unless you’re one of the people who keeps showing up on this site searching for Cacee Cobb and Donald Faison, in which case you are 14 at best, and the only thing you know about Mark-Paul Gosselaar is that he died in a car accident at least 5 times before you finished elementary school.

Speaking of Donald Faison’s love interests, here’s Garden State as a horror trailer, via The Trailer Mash.

And last but not least, probably the most appropriate use of a treadmill I’ve seen in years. Thanks to Alex for the link.

• That girl with two vaginas? She has a blog now.
• 24-year-old fashion assistant Bridget Grish gets fired from Life & Style after her amateur porn videos show up on the web. There’s a lesson in there somewhere, I’m sure of it.
• Harry Morton — La Lohan’s latest squeeze — wants to lend his Mexican-cum-vagina-themed restaurant’s name, Pink Taco, to the Arizona Cardinals new stadium. There’s an Arizona-Cardinals-are-pussies joke to be made here, but after writing the previous sentence, I’m in no mood to think it up.
• No one wants to see the AmIdol tour. Which is surprising only when you consider that the So You Think You Can Dance tour is selling out most cities in minutes. Maybe next season they should divide the performers up by race.

• If you liked Mean Girls, you’ll love Heathers 2.
• When William H. Macy goes on the record with how much you suck, Lindsay Lohan, you must totally suck.
• Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have been lurking around the Yahoo/HBO complex in Santa Monica. They must have found a sitter for their little Suri. And by “sitter” I of course mean “fake sitter,” and by “Suri” I of course mean “PR stunt.”
• Since he can’t marry Kate Moss just yet, Pete Doherty is passing the time by sneaking cocaine to teenagers in rehab.

Let’s start from the beginning: hottie Jesse McCartney is dating Katie Cassidy. Who is Katie Cassidy? For starters, she’s David Cassidy’s daughter, although I remember watching an MTV special about her fledgling singing career several years ago, and she had basically no relationship with her father other than him calling bi-monthly to urge her not to pursue a singing career. When the singing career eventually failed to pursue her, she must have gone into acting, as I hear she beat out the likes of Kristin Cavalleri and Jessica Simpson for the role of Lucy Ewing in the upcoming film adaptation of Dallas alongside John Travolta.

Jennifer Lopez was originally cast as Sue Ellen in the film, but she dropped out suddenly several weeks ago. The rumors I heard explaining this were mostly a variation on “[ Jennifer Lopez / John Travolta ] didn’t want to work with [ Jennifer Lopez / John Travolta ] because [ she / he ] is too [ divaesque / washed up and pathetic ]” with the occasional “Dude the script just sucked” tossed in for good measure.

Enter Jesse McCartney. In an otherwise mundane interview with Atlanta’s Star 94, McCartney was asked if girlfriend Cassidy could give them the scoop on why Jennifer Lopez was fired from the project.

“She didn’t get fired,” McCartney responded. “She’s pregnant.”

Oops.

• Zach Braff thinks this season of Scrubs will be his last. Hey, you know who could step in as Donald Faison’s replacement love interest? Cacee Cobb! [for those of you spelling-challenged googlers out there: fason, casey, cob, kasey, KC, casee, fison, feson, faizon]
• Nicole Richie walks into a bar. Stop the well-endowed singer of the Spores if you’ve heard this one before…
• Need to kick-start a buzz for the eight billionth season of your tiresome island-based reality show? Try racism!
• Tom Cruise officially too stupid for the studio that greenlit Nacho Libre.