Don’t say I never do anything nice for you.

I really want to know what is in her left hand. Is that a Coke bottle? Like, a bonafide Coke bottle? Where do you buy Coke bottles? I really want one now. I feel like Coke just tastes better that way. Like a little taste of the carefree days of the ’50s. When women wore cone bras. We should bring back cone bras. Who’s with me?

I am so happy right now. Warner Brothers is producing a fourth installment of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movies, with a release date set at 3/30/07 (we have to wait that long??). This one’s all digital, and is supposedly “grittier” than the previous three (although it will retain its PG rating). Apple.com has the totally gnarly teaser trailer. Our heroes in a half-shell have returned, carrying on their sturdy backs a risk that people outside of SoCal will start saying “radical” unironically again.

They’re filming something on Pershing, in the northbound lane just north of Imperial Ave in PDR. There’s a silver SUV and a dark-haired girl. They have the cops out en masse to guard the orange cones on the road. I remember they filmed Entourage near this stretch of road last year, but I didn’t see any of those guys. It could really be anything. Guesses?

Anyway, even if they’re not filming anything interesting (if it is The OC I will never forgive myself), Pershing is the super-secret James Bond route around several miles of traffic on the 405. I’ve included a map. Remember who hooked you up with that shit. You’re welcome.

If you were less than amused by my most recent reality show pitch, you’ll be pleased to know I’m moving away from reality TV and focusing on documentaries now.

Tonight I envisioned a documentary about the male on-camera talent in the porn industry. We’ll call it Hard at Work. The details are unimportant.

Contact evilbeet@gmail.com for option rights.

My friend Brian has an uncanny but glorious gift for finding pictures on the Internet that never should have been taken in the first place, had the better instinct of anyone present been alive to kick in. Here’s the one he sent me today. Caption suggestions welcome in the comment section.

Okay that was cheesy. But it stays.

So anyway…

Disney begins the delicate process of inching away from noted Jew-hater Mel Gibson, with ABC cancelling his upcoming miniseries about the Holocaust. I hope that was a no-brainer, ABC.

Next on Disney’s formidable chopping block may be Gibson’s latest passion project, Apocalypto, the Mayan-language tour-de-force that is, perhaps, a thinly veiled vehicle for Gibson’s long-held hatred of Spaniards (who, you gotta admit, have been responsible for their damn fair share of “all the wars in the world”). It’s hard to be sure, though, because, you know, the movie’s in fucking Mayan.

The trailers boast a release date of Summer 2006, but the latest data from Touchstone has the film slated for early December. Anyone know when the shift occurred?

Update: Never mind, Disney says they are going to move forward with the Mayan-language release of Apocalypto in December. The English-language release will follow never. And 73% of the country is so totally psyched for it!

Yup! His name is Danny Glover (ring a bell?), and the most inflammatory thing he did this weekend was help Puerto Rican hotel workers unionize in hopes of seeing better pay and benefits. “The union’s fight is to construct a world in which we want to live,” Glover said at a press conference on Sunday, before tossing back a few cold ones and referring to the reporter from Reuters as “sugar tits.” Oh, wait, except that last part totally didn’t happen. Thank you, Danny Glover.