In today’s modern world, man can walk on the moon, planes can fly at the speed of sound, babies can be conceived in test tubes and naked chicks can protest nanopants, yet the doctors assure me that nothing can be done for my toe. It is at the least sprained and quite possibly fractured, and I limp around the office all day like an amputee, but apparently a very serious toe injury is something you just wait out. For weeks, I’m told. It was suggested that I soak my toe in ice at night and take Advil in the morning. Why do we even have doctors?

It’s a really, really, really slow news day, otherwise I wouldn’t force this link upon anyone, but Eddie Murphy and Mel C (aka Scary Spice), plan to wed in September. I’m really sorry about this, guys. The least relevant Baldwin got in a car accident, too, but that’s about it today.

Tonight was so much fun! Unfortunately it takes 45 minutes to go the 11 miles to Culver City in rush-hour traffic, but once I actually got there it was great. The first hour we sat classroom-style and listened to our fabulous instructor, May Parich, teach us about knife skills. I learned all the different types of knives and lots of ways to cut things — diced, julienne…okay I forget the rest. But I never really understood how people successfully dice things, and May taught us how to hold and cut a veggie to get a lovely diced shape. I know most of you are giggling right now, but this was huge for me.

The next hour and a half was spent cooking one of eight recipes in teams of two. We pulled the recipe out of a hat. My partner (my friend Nandita) and I chose California Chopped Salad. The instructor told as at the start that we had by far the hardest recipe, and that most of the other teams would probably finish first, so they would probably end up assigning some of them to help us finish. We, in all our type-A glory, took this as a direct challenge. We set to work.

We had to roast a beet (it wasn’t evil), grill green beans and asparagus (harder than you’d think — one or two good green men went overboard on the grill), dice just about every veggie imaginable, make a vinaigrette (whisking was involved), crumble bleu cheese, and toss, but we were so on top of it. By the time Miss May came around to check our progress and call in back-up, we were done. Never tell two MBAs they can’t finish a cooking task on deadline. May was way impressed. We rocked it.

The end of class was the best — we got to eat the food. Everyone had done a wonderful job with their recipes; we toasted to Miss May and our own culinary genius, and we chowed down. All in all, a marvelous evening which I am confident is my first step toward my appearance on Top Chef. Can’t wait to go back next week!

Paris Hilton’s single just came on my Pandora box. This is really happening. Hang on tight, kids.

Also, I think there’s some sort of tension brewing in the middle east and — I’m serious now — Macauley Culkin and Mila Kunis are still dating.

I am off to cooking school for the evening! I will tell you all about it tomorrow! V. v. excited!

Enough about the ferret. Can we talk about that dress??

In a show of the tolerance and love for fellow man we’ve come to find all but synonymous with the state of Arkansas, Governor Mike Huckabee proudly joins the ranks of the pardon-happy AR governors who came before him — he and the state Parole Board approved an application for clemency that will, after nearly 31 painful years, return Keith Richards’ good name to an unblemished state. The Rolling Stones guitarist pleaded guilty to reckless driving in the state in 1975, and Huckabee was deeply concerned that Richards’ feelings about Arkansas were “marred by a misdemeanor traffic stop.” Because, you know, Arkansas is great otherwise.

The video premieres tonight on MTV. You’ll be able to see it on MTV Overdrive for the first 24 hours after that — here’s a clip until then.

Update: The “star-studded” video is on Overdrive now (thanks, East Coast!). Hey, remember in 8th grade when you and all your girlfriends ran out of boys to call at your slumber party, so you grabbed your mom’s video camera and your Madonna tape and decided you’d make a music video to go to “Holiday?” So you curl your hair and you put on make-up and your big sister’s cutest clothes and you devise a storyline and everyone has lines and solo dance parts, and your little brother is filming and so his dog has to be in it, too, and you’re all very excited about your music video, but you’re mostly all new to this whole being-in-a-music-video/dancing-on-camera thing — which doesn’t mean you won’t try your hardest — but you’re 28 now and your mom pulled the tape out last week and watching it was so unbelievably awkward? Yeah. It’s kind of like that.